Dec 102017
 
Technical description of Homo Sapiens Female.
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Technical description of Homo Sapiens Female.
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A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF A DIGITATED, MAMMALIAN BIPED

ELEMENT : Female Human

CHEMICAL SYMBOL : WO

DISCOVERER : Adam

ATOMIC WEIGHT : Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 to 160 lbs
(mutations have been known to exceed 400 lbs.)

OCCURRENCE : Surplus quantities in all urban areas

APPROVED FORMULA : 36:24:36

USES : i) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
ii) Most powerful money reducing agent known
iii) Can be a great aid to relaxation or a continuous
source of frustration

PHYSICAL PROP. : i) Surfaces usually covered in painted film
ii) Boils at nothing and freezes without reason
iii) Melts if given the proper treatment
iv) Bitter if used incorrectly
v) Found in various states ranging from common ore
to virgin metal
vi) Non-magnetic but attracted by bank notes
vii) Yields to pressure applied at correct point
viii) In its natural state it varies considerably, but the
shape is often artificially changed to conform to
that of a perfect specimen. Such transformations are
only discovered by an experienced eye
ix) In some instances may start to gain weight and look
like they have swallowed a basketball and then
proceed to take of qualities of a XEROX copier and
start to make copies

CHEMICAL PROP. : i) Possesses a great affinity for gold, silver,
platinum and precious stones
ii) Able to asorb great quantities of expensive
substances
iii) May explore spontaneously if left alone with a male
iv) Insoluble in liquids but activity is increased by
saturation in alcohol
v) Properties are vastly improved if specimen is placed
in the dark

TESTS : i) Pure specimens turn a rosy tint if found in the
natural state
ii) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen

CAUTIONS : i) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands, must
be used with great care and patience if experiments
are to succeed
ii) It is illegal to possess more than one permanent
specimen but a certain amount of exchange is
permissable
iii) When detaching a permanent specimen get appropriate
counsel because the SPECIMEN COULD DRAIN THE BLOOD
FROM YOUR VEINS INDEFINATELY



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