Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
faucet on and off with your toes.

Blithwapping - v. Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail
into the wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.

Burbulation - n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a
refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the automatic
light comes on.

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when
vacuuming,of running over a string at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it
back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Cinemuck - n. The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted
chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.

Elbonics - n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theatre.

Flannister - n. The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer
together.

Fenderberg - n. The large glacial deposits that form on the
insides of car fenders during snowstorms.

Furbling - v. Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an
airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

Genderplex - n. The predicament of a person in a restaurant who
is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g.
turtles and tortoises).

Gleemites - n. Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.

Gurmlish - n. The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich
which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the
roof of his mouth.

Idiot Box - n. The part of the envelope that tells a person where
to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for
themselves.

Krogt - n. (chemical symbol: Kr) The metallic silver coating
found on fast-food game cards.

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk
carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal"
side.

Magnocartic - n. Any automobile that, when left unattended,
attracts shopping carts.

Mittsquinter - n. A ballplayer who looks into his glove after
missing the ball, as if, somehow, the cause of the error lies
there.

Mustgo - n. Any item of food that has been sitting in the
refrigerator so long it has become a science project.

Narcolepulacy (nar ko lep' ul ah see) - n. The cantagious action
of yawning, causing everyone in sight to also yawn.

Nugloo (nug' lew) - n. Single continuous eyebrow that covers the
entire forehead.

Pediddel - n. A car with only one working headlight.

Petribar - n. Any sun-bleached prehistoric candy that has been
sitting in the window of a vending machine too long.

Phosflink - v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as
if, somehow, that will bring it back to life).

PIYAN (pi' an) - n. (acronym: "Plus If You Act Now") Any
miscellaneous item thrown in on a late night television ad.

Purpitation - v. To take something off the grocery shelf, decide
you don't want it, and then put it in another section.

Relative Humidity -n. The little drops of sweat that role down
your back when you are having sex with your sister-in-law.

Scribline - n. The blank area on the back of credit cards where
one's signature goes.

Slurm - n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap
bar when it sits in the dish too long.

Snacktrek - n. The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of
constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something
new will have materialized.

Spagmumps - n. Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that
accompany mail-order items.

Spirobits - n. The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral
notebook.

Spirtle - n. The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands
right in your eye.

Squatcho - n. The button at the top of a baseball cap.

Telepression - n. The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing
that you did not try hard enough to "look up the number on your
own" and instead put the burden on the directory assistant.

Yinkel - n. A person who combs his hair over his bald spot,
hoping no one will notice.