Category : Various Text files
Archive   : SAFESEX.ZIP
Filename : SAFESEX3.TXT

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File courtesy of Outlaw Labs
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_____________________________________________________
_________________________________

SAFE SEX IN THE AGE OF AIDS
_________________________________
_____________________________________________________





___________________________________________________

Guidelines for reducing the risk of contracting
AIDS during sexual contact.
___________________________________________________

-----------------------
- For Men & Women -
-----------------------

























-----------------------------------------------------------------------
--- Prepared by The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality ---
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(c) 1986












Page 18

[5] HOW TO NEGOTIATE "SAFER SEX"
----------------------------------

Once we have understood the basic principles of "safer sex", we still
must learn to put them into practice. This may not be easy for many reasons:



o We don't like to change our habits.
o We assume that "safer sex" will be too complicated.
o We assume that it will not be worth the effort.
o We are embarrassed to do some of the things that are safe.
o We are afraid to talk about "safe sex" with a partner.
o We don't know how to bring up the subject with someone we've just met.
o We don't want others to think that we're "weird" or even sick.
o We feel uncomfortable buying condoms or spermicides.
o We think "safer sex" just isn't romantic.
o We just want to follow our feelings and resent all that advanced
planning required by "safer sex".
o We're afraid we'll offend our partners by suggesting "safer sex".
o We don't like sex with the lights on.
o We are worried that we might lose our partner.
o We think "safer sex" is only a poor substitute and we want the "real
thing".
o We think "safer sex" is only a compromise and we want "all or
nothing".



All of these feelings are perfectly natural and our partners have them
too. However, if we truly care about them (and ourselves), we must somehow
find a way to break the ice, talk about "safer sex" openly and, above all, put
it into practice.

Indeed, "practice" is the magic word here. "Safer sex" has to be
practiced in the double meaning: We have to do it and we have to rehearse it.
...but what could be more fun than practicing something that's both enjoyable
and healthy?

Practice also means using our imagination in practical ways to improve
our sex lives. Remember:


____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| The most important sex organ is the brain! |
\____________________________________________________________________________/



With that in mind, let's all use our heads to have hot and healthy sex.
First, let's see how we can negotiate "safer sex" with ourselves:












Page 19

THE "SAFER SEX" TEST
--------------------

Before every date, give yourself the following test:
______________________________________________________________________________

SEX I LIKE TO DO (OR MIGHT BE TALKED INTO):
---------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- Check all choices that apply to you --
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


___ Dry kissing..............................................(+5)
___ French kissing...........................................(-2.5)
___ Massage..................................................(+5)
___ Body-to-body rubbing.....................................(+5)
___ Sucking the penis (fellatio).............................(-5)
___ Licking the vulva (cunnilingus)..........................(-5)
___ Mutual masturbation......................................(+5)
___ Vaginal intercourse......................................(-5)
___ Vaginal intercourse with condom & spermicide.............(-2.5)
___ Sucking the penis with precautions (fellatio interrupta
or condom)...............................................(-2.5)
___ Licking the vulva with precautions.......................(-2.5)
___ Rimming (licking the anus)...............................(-5)
___ Fisting (inserting the hand into the rectum).............(-5)
___ Anal intercourse without condom..........................(-5)
___ Anal intercourse with condom & spermicidal lubricant.....(-2.5)
___ Sharing sex toys.........................................(-5)
___ Using own sex toys.......................................(+5)
___ Drinking urine...........................................(-5)
___ Urine externally on unbroken skin........................(-2.5)
___ Telephone sex............................................(+5)
___ Exhibitionism and voyeurism (with consent)...............(+5)
___ S/M without bruising or bleeding.........................(+5)
___ S/M with blood contact...................................(-5)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now add together the numbers paired with the choices you checked. If the
total ranges from -45 to -10, you are at high risk of contracting and/or
infecting someone with the AIDS virus. If the total falls within the range of
-10 to 20, you are at risk of exposing yourself or your partner to the AIDS
virus -- the risk is not as high as in the first category, but it is a
definite risk just the same. If you scored +35, you are at negligible risk of
contracting the AIDS virus.

If you checked any activities that are "unsafe" (-5) or only "possibly
safe" (-2.5), you should think again. For a really healthy sex life, restrict
yourself to activities that are "safe" (+5).


______________________________________________________________________________








Page 20

NEGOTIATING "SAFE SEX" WITH OTHERS
----------------------------------

Once you are quite clear in your own mind about what you are willing to
do or not do, it is much easier to talk about it with others. It's really not
so awfully hard to talk with someone about AIDS prevention, because a lot of
sensible people are worried about it; and if they are not, they should be.

In fact, if someone wants to have sex with you, but refuses to discuss
AIDS prevention, it is a very good idea to go to bed alone. That someone is
definitely a risk, and no sexual encounter is worth getting the AIDS virus.
Quite apart from that, the person probably also has a lot of sexual hang-ups
that would ruin your relationship anyway.

However, there is a lot you can do before you meet any potential sex
partners:

After you have tested yourself, cut out the "Safe Sex" card on page 22,
fold it along the dotted line and put it in your wallet or purse. It will
come in handy when you begin to discuss details.

You should also get to know your partners very well as individuals before
you get sexually involved with them. Find out about their background, their
possible other sexual relationships, past and present. Find out whether they
are easy to talk to, whether they are comfortable discussing sexual details,
whether they are flexible in the sexual habits, caring, imaginative, creative,
etc...

Above all: Don't get yourself into a situation where "safe sex" cannot
be discussed and detailed agreements between you become impossible. This can
happen, for example, if you consume alcohol or other drugs. These can greatly
impair your judgement and make you do things that you might later regret.


____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| Safe sex does not mix with alcohol and other drugs! |
\____________________________________________________________________________/



However, if you are sober, rational and careful, you will have no trouble
meeting the right person and making the right decisions. You will also be
able to talk about every detail of "safer sex".



____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| People who cannot talk about "safe sex" should not have sex. Period. |
\____________________________________________________________________________/














Page 21

TWO CONVERSATIONS
-----------------

Let's assume a couple has just met and have decided to have sex. Let's
further assume that the man is the first to bring up the subject of "safe
sex". The conversation could develop like this:

HE: I guess you know that many people are now scared of AIDS. I know I am.
SHE: Are you scared to have sex?
HE: No, but I've learned a lot about AIDS, how it's transmitted and how it's
NOT transmitted. You can catch the AIDS virus during sex, but you don't
have to catch it, if you know how to protect yourself.
SHE: How?
HE: You can practice "safe sex". You can have sex, but you don't exchange
any bodily fluids.
SHE: What do you mean? How can you have sex that way?
HE: Just the usual way, but protected. For example, I now always carry a
few condoms with me, if there is a chance I might have sex.
SHE: Well, that sounds okay. Does that really protect us?
HE: It's a pretty good start. Of course, it's still better if you have some
spermicidal foam. It usually has some stuff in it, nonoxynol-9, that
gives you added protection. Actually, that stuff also protects you
against other forms of VD -- even herpes.
SHE: Gee, I have never used spermicides. I'm on the pill.
HE: Well, if you want to be sure and get some later, there is still a lot we
can do now without having to worry about AIDS.
SHE: For example?
HE: First, let's...

Get out your "safe sex" card (HERS)! You can cut it out of page 22, fold it
along the dotted line and put it in your wallet like a credit card.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's assume another couple wants to have sex. The man shows no
awareness of AIDS prevention, so the woman takes the initiative:

SHE: Before we get really involved, let me ask you something.
HE: Okay.
SHE: A lot of people now are worried about catching the AIDS virus when
they're having sex. Aren't you?
HE: What? AIDS? Do you have AIDS? Or wait a minute! Do you think I got
AIDS?
SHE: No, I don't think you or I got AIDS, but the virus has been going
around, and some people have it without knowing it. They feel perfectly
fine, but they can give it to you without realizing it.
HE: What are you trying to tell me?
SHE: I want to have sex with you, but we should both be careful and have
"safe sex".
HE: Safe sex? What's that?
SHE: No exchange of bodily fluids! Think about it! Sounds a bit
complicated, but it's really not. Look, I have a whole pack of rubbers
for you.
HE: Well, I'll be...Gee, I don't know...I've never used rubbers before...
SHE: Come on! Let me put one on you. This can be fun. Just see how you
like it. And while I'm doing that, let me tell you some more...

Get out your "safe sex" card (HIS)!
(You'll find additional ones in the Appendix of this file)






Page 22

HIS & HERS "SAFE SEX" CUT-OUT CARDS
-----------------------------------------

______________________________________ _____________________________________
| | |
| AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND | AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND |
| WOMEN | WOMEN |
|--------------------------------------|-------------------------------------|
| Safe | Safe |
| ------ | ------ |
| Dry kissing | Dry kissing |
| Hugging | Hugging |
| Massage | Massage |
| Body-to-body rubbing | Body-to-body rubbing |
| Mutual masturbation | Mutual masturbation |
| Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with | Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with |
| consent) | consent) |
| Telephone sex | Telephone sex |
| S/M without bruising or bleeding | S/M without bruising or bleeding |
| Separate sex toys | Separate sex toys |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Possibly safe | Possibly safe |
| --------------- | --------------- |
| French kissing | French kissing |
| Oral sex with precautions | Oral sex with precautions |
| Vaginal intercourse with condom & | Vaginal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicide | spermicide |
| Anal intercourse with condom & | Anal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicidal lubricant | spermicidal lubricant |
| Urine externally on unbroken skin | Urine externally on unbroken skin |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Unsafe | Unsafe |
| -------- | -------- |
| Vaginal intercourse w/out condom | Vaginal intercourse w/out condom |
| Anal intercourse without condom | Anal intercourse without condom |
| Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) | Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) |
| Fisting | Fisting |
| Rimming | Rimming |
| Drinking urine | Drinking urine |
| Sharing sex toys | Sharing sex toys |
| Blood contact | Blood contact |
| | |
|______________________________________|_____________________________________|

















Page 23

Now let's assume two gay men have just met in a bar and are about ready
to go home together. However, before they leave, one of them feels he should
bring up the subject of "safe sex". The conversation could develop like this:


FIRST: You know, it's been a long time since I have taken anybody home. In
fact, I'm even a bit nervous about it.
SECOND: Why?
FIRST: Well, you really turn me on. That's one reason, and the other reason
is that I really hope we have a good time.
SECOND: Why shouldn't we?
FIRST: Look. Many of my friends are scared to meet anybody new because
they're scared of AIDS. I'm not because I know how to protect
myself.
SECOND: I'm really glad you're saying that because I've also been worrying
about it but I know all about "safe sex". I wouldn't do anything
else anyway. So you see, I'm really glad I met you because I know
we're really going to have a good time.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Let's assume two other gay men have just met and have decided to go home
together. This could be the conversation:


FIRST: Before we leave here, I'd like to ask you something.
SECOND: Okay.
FIRST: Have you ever seen these "safe sex" cards that are lying around here
in the bar? (He gets out one of the "safe sex" cards.)
SECOND: Sure. I don't think anybody's paying any attention to them.
FIRST: Are you?
SECOND: No. I think they're ridiculous. Look either you get it or you
don't. I don't believe what these medical people are trying to sell
us. They don't know what they're talking about.
FIRST: Have you ever gotten VD?
SECOND: Only once, a long time ago. It's no big deal. I'm perfectly healthy
and always have been. I'm not going to let AIDS ruin my sex life.
FIRST: You know, I had a friend just like you who died this summer of AIDS.
I don't want my sex life ruined either and therefore I've decided to
have only "safe sex".
SECOND: Oh, come on. All that rubber stuff. That's not my style.
FIRST: Gee, I guess I better wait with you. I hope I see you again sometime
when you change your thinking about it.
SECOND: Okay. See you around.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------















Page 24

[6] ESPECIALLY FOR TEENS
--------------------------

Sexual interest, curiosity, arousal and desire are hallmarks of
adolescence. Although some teens are more sexual than others, both boys and
girls have sexual desires and must make decisions about sexual opportunities
and options. Sexual feelings are normal and natural. They are wonderful and
scary. There are many things to learn about sex if you want it to be a
totally positive experience for you and your partner.

Some teens have sex and worry about it later, and some worry about it so
much that they hardly ever have it; but most boys and girls think and worry
about sex a lot. One of the worries is about sexually transmitted disease,
and the disease that is most feared is AIDS. A part of the fear is that
scientists don't know very much about it yet, and so we are all encouraged to
be extra careful about our sexual choices. You have probably heard a lot
about AIDS and may even know someone who has it or has died from AIDS-related
complications.

Certainly, everyone knows who Rock Hudson was, but you may not have known
that he was homosexual. Many men who enjoy sex with other men do not tell
anyone else about it. Many men who enjoy sex with women also enjoy sex with
men and do not tell their female partners. This creates a problem for girls
and women who want to avoid exposure to the AIDS virus, because homosexual men
are a high risk group. You may have heard that women do not get AIDS. That
is not true. It is true that more men than women contract AIDS and scientists
are not yet sure why.

____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| PEOPLE AT RISK OF CONTRACTING AIDS: |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| [1] Homosexual and bisexual men (keeping in mind that the bisexual men |
| are much more numerous than the exclusively homosexual men). |
| [2] Intravenous drug users sharing needles. |
| [3] The sexual partners of people in these first two groups. |
| [4] The sexual partners of the aforementioned partners. |
| [5] Children conceived, born and nursed by infected mothers. |
\____________________________________________________________________________/


It is important to realize that you can catch the AIDS virus by sharing a
contaminated hypodermic needle or through sexual contact. A baby can be
infected by a mother with AIDS during pregnancy or while nursing. If you
catch the AIDS virus, you may or may not get AIDS, but you can pass the virus
on to others. The only way to know if you have the AIDS virus is through a
blood test. You cannot tell if a person has the AIDS virus by looking at
them, by knowing them or by their assurance that they don't have it.

There is no way for you to know about the other person, so you must
protect yourself. Not sharing needles is pretty easy for most teens, because
most don't inject drugs; but sexual contact presents a problem, because most
teens are sexual with a partner is some way. It is unrealistic to imagine
that people will not be sexual, so it is important to learn to practice safe
sex to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases.









Page 25

____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| Safe sex is better sex! |
\____________________________________________________________________________/

...because you don't have to worry.

____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| Intercourse and oral sex with a condom are safe. |
\____________________________________________________________________________/

...exchange of bodily fluids is risky.

____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| Hugging - holding - caressing and masturbation are safe with anyone. |
\____________________________________________________________________________/

...intercourse and oral sex with many partners is risky.

____________________________________________________________________________
/ \
| Kissing is safe. |
\____________________________________________________________________________/

...french kissing is theoretically considered risky, even though there are no
known cases of anyone contracting the AIDS virus in this way.




































Page 26

SOME IMPORTANT PRECAUTIONS FOR TEENS
------------------------------------

[1] Don't have sex while drunk or high. Sex is its own high. When you
drink or take drugs, your judgement and your decisions are not based in
reality.
[2] Don't be persuaded to have unsafe sex because you want to please your
partner. Sexual feelings in adolescence are often experienced as an
urgent need for release and satisfaction. Demands and ultimatums are
sometimes used to convince a potential partner to have sex.
[3] Don't feel you have to make a forced choice between intercourse and
oral sex. You can offer a safe sex alternative.
[4] Take responsibility for sex if you plan to have it or think you might.
Boys and girls should always carry condoms even if they practice
another form of birth control.
[5] Don't be blackmailed into unsafe sex to save a relationship. Respect
yourself even if your partner does not respect you.


REMEMBER!
---------------

The AIDS virus is passed only through very intimate contact, exchange of
bodily fluids and contaminated needles. People do not catch the AIDS virus
through casual social contact. You need not fear:


[1] Food prepared by persons with AIDS.
[2] Beauty or barber shop services.
[3] Touching friends or relatives.
[4] Health care procedures.
[5] Blood transfusions, which are now tested and safe.


It is important to be responsible about sex, and it is important to
continue to feel positive about your own sexual sharing with a partner of your
choice. Sex-negative forces have always tried to make people fear and/or feel
guilty about their natural, normal, sexual feelings and behavior.


























Page 27

[7] APPENDIX
--------------

SAFE SEX PRODUCTS AND WHERE TO GET THEM:
----------------------------------------------

It is a sad commentary on the sexual attitudes in our society that many
AIDS education programs have been "put on hold" so as not to offend the
political sensibilities of the anti-sexual groups that equate sexual ignorance
with innocence. Fortunately, the makers of sex products started two years ago
to commission new product designs and testing for SAFE SEX. Many new products
are now ready for distribution.

The products that The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality
has evaluated and suggests for your consideration are:

LOTIONS: Ultimate CONDOMS: Ultimate
-------- Man-To-Man -------- Man-To-Man
Hunky Dudes Hunky Dudes


FOUR "SAFE SEX" VIDEOTAPES
--------------------------
[1] "Norma & Tony" -- Safe Sex for Heterosexuals.
[2] "Erotic Safe Sex -- A Documentary"
[3] "Erotic Safe Sex for Gay Males -- A Documentary"
[4] "How to Have a J.O. Party"


SAFE SEX KIT -- Everything You Need for Hot, Healthy Sex.
---------------------------------------------------------
For a free catalogue, call or write:

In the U.S. -- The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality
----------- 1523 Franklin St.
San Francisco, CA 94109
-------------------------------------------
Phone: 1-415-928-1133

In Canada -- A.P. Research, Ltd.
----------- Box 200 Postal Station A
Vancouver, B.C., Canada
-------------------------------------------
Phone: 1-604-669-5404 (8:30-4:00)




















Page 28

HIS & HERS "SAFE SEX" CUT-OUT CARDS
-----------------------------------------

______________________________________ _____________________________________
| | |
| AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND | AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND |
| WOMEN | WOMEN |
|--------------------------------------|-------------------------------------|
| Safe | Safe |
| ------ | ------ |
| Dry kissing | Dry kissing |
| Hugging | Hugging |
| Massage | Massage |
| Body-to-body rubbing | Body-to-body rubbing |
| Mutual masturbation | Mutual masturbation |
| Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with | Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with |
| consent) | consent) |
| Telephone sex | Telephone sex |
| S/M without bruising or bleeding | S/M without bruising or bleeding |
| Separate sex toys | Separate sex toys |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Possibly safe | Possibly safe |
| --------------- | --------------- |
| French kissing | French kissing |
| Oral sex with precautions | Oral sex with precautions |
| Vaginal intercourse with condom & | Vaginal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicide | spermicide |
| Anal intercourse with condom & | Anal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicidal lubricant | spermicidal lubricant |
| Urine externally on unbroken skin | Urine externally on unbroken skin |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Unsafe | Unsafe |
| -------- | -------- |
| Vaginal intercourse w/out condom | Vaginal intercourse w/out condom |
| Anal intercourse without condom | Anal intercourse without condom |
| Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) | Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) |
| Fisting | Fisting |
| Rimming | Rimming |
| Drinking urine | Drinking urine |
| Sharing sex toys | Sharing sex toys |
| Blood contact | Blood contact |
| | |
|______________________________________|_____________________________________|

















Page 29

HIS & HERS "SAFE SEX" CUT-OUT CARDS
-----------------------------------------

______________________________________ _____________________________________
| | |
| AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND | AIDS RISK REDUCTION FOR MEN AND |
| WOMEN | WOMEN |
|--------------------------------------|-------------------------------------|
| Safe | Safe |
| ------ | ------ |
| Dry kissing | Dry kissing |
| Hugging | Hugging |
| Massage | Massage |
| Body-to-body rubbing | Body-to-body rubbing |
| Mutual masturbation | Mutual masturbation |
| Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with | Exhibitionism or voyeurism (with |
| consent) | consent) |
| Telephone sex | Telephone sex |
| S/M without bruising or bleeding | S/M without bruising or bleeding |
| Separate sex toys | Separate sex toys |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Possibly safe | Possibly safe |
| --------------- | --------------- |
| French kissing | French kissing |
| Oral sex with precautions | Oral sex with precautions |
| Vaginal intercourse with condom & | Vaginal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicide | spermicide |
| Anal intercourse with condom & | Anal intercourse with condom & |
| spermicidal lubricant | spermicidal lubricant |
| Urine externally on unbroken skin | Urine externally on unbroken skin |
| | |
|------------- FOLD HERE --------------|------------- FOLD HERE -------------|
| | |
| Unsafe | Unsafe |
| -------- | -------- |
| Vaginal intercourse w/out condom | Vaginal intercourse w/out condom |
| Anal intercourse without condom | Anal intercourse without condom |
| Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) | Oral sex (fellatio & cunnilingus) |
| Fisting | Fisting |
| Rimming | Rimming |
| Drinking urine | Drinking urine |
| Sharing sex toys | Sharing sex toys |
| Blood contact | Blood contact |
| | |
|______________________________________|_____________________________________|

















Page 30


THE AUTHORS:
------------------

ROBERT THEODORE "TED" McILVENNA, M.Div., Ph.D., President of The
Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

WARDELL B. POMEROY, Ph.D., Academic Dean of the Institute for Advanced
Study of Human Sexuality, co-author of "The Kinsey Reports".

LORETTA HAROIAN, Ph.D., Dean of Professional Studies at The Institute
for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Professor of Clinical Sexology.

ERWIN J. HAEBERLE, Ph.D., Ed.D., Professor and Director of Historical
Research at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Co-
chairman of Scientific Committee, World Congresses of Sexology, 1983
and 1987.

CHARLES MOSER, Ph.D., M.S.W., Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology at
The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

JAY DES DYSON, Project Coordinator of Outlaw Labs.







File Release Date: 12/20/87

--------------------------------
File courtesy of Outlaw Labs
--------------------------------













































-End of Section 3-
-Safe Sex in the Age of AIDS-