Category : Various Text files
Archive   : LITE2.ZIP
Filename : LIGHTER.SD2

Output of file : LIGHTER.SD2 contained in archive : LITE2.ZIP

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>>vv<< grrrrrr.....


Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis
on safety. Instrumentation in the cockpit and in the traffic control tower
has reached new peaks of electronic perfection to assist the pilot during
take-offs, flight, and landings.

For whimsical contrast to these and other marvels of scientific
flight engineering, it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of the basic
rules concerning the so-called Cat-and-Duck Method of Flight, just in case
something goes wrong with any of these new-fangled flying instruments you
find in today's aircraft.

Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always remains
upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to
see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and, if so, which
The duck is used for the instrument approach and landing. Because
any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only
necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow her to the

There are some limitations to the Cat-and-Duck Method, but by rigidly
adhering to the following check list, a degree of success will be achieved.

Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all, at
any time. It may be necessary to get a large fierce dog in the cockpit to
keep the cat at attention. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will
spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a cat licking itself usually
results in a tight snap roll, followed by an inverted (or flat) spin. You
can see this is very unsanitary.

Old cats are best. Young cats have nine lives, but an old used-up
cat with only one life left has just as much to lose an you do and will
therefore be more dependable.

Avoid stray cats. Try to get one with a good pedigree. Your vet
can help you locate a cat with good character, or try the Cat Breeders'

Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using
the cat to stay upright - or straight and level- she will refuse to leave
without the cat. Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.

Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks sometimes will
go flogging off into the nearest hill. Very short-sighted ducks will not
realize they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting
position. This maneuver is quite difficult to follow in an airplane.

Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find
yourself on final approach for some farm pound in Iowa. Also, the farmers
there suffer from temporary insanity when chasing crows off their corn fields
and will shoot anything that flies.

Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese
because many water birds look alike. While they are very competent
instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same direction you do. If
your duck heads off for the Okefenokee Swamp, you may be sure you have been
given the goose.

  3 Responses to “Category : Various Text files
Archive   : LITE2.ZIP
Filename : LIGHTER.SD2

  1. Very nice! Thank you for this wonderful archive. I wonder why I found it only now. Long live the BBS file archives!

  2. This is so awesome! 😀 I’d be cool if you could download an entire archive of this at once, though.

  3. But one thing that puzzles me is the “mtswslnkmcjklsdlsbdmMICROSOFT” string. There is an article about it here. It is definitely worth a read: