Dec 182017
Toilet paper crisis shocks the nation.
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Toilet paper crisis shocks the nation.
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B Joh Crane
Th Bristo (Conn. Press
Editor' note Th curren toile pape buyin pani i
Bristo an othe citie i phenomeno tha i difficul t
explain Stor owner repor ther i n shortag o toile
pape bu i peopl continu t stoc u fo a imagine futur
crisis the coul i fac creat shortage a leas
temporarily I suc shortag di develop a i ha i th
energ field newspaper migh b carryin storie suc a th
WASHINGTO - Presiden Reaga toda name hi Tissu Cza i
hastil calle pres conferenc a th Whit House Reagan'
choic fo th critica positio i Josep Simple 33-year-ol
septi tan exper fro Martha' Vinyard Mass Th Presiden
sai th federa governmen woul d it par durin th tissu
crunch H sai h ha alread ordere al toilet padlocke a
th Capito Pres Buildin an beginnin Monda al federa
employee wil b limite t eigh square o singl pl toile
pape eac workin day Th Presiden als aske fo
voluntar closin o al publi res room o Sundays H sai
h wil orde suc closing i th futur i Congres passe
bil no pending.
WASHINGTO - Ne Tissu Cza Josep Simpl sai toda th
Administratio woul begi toile pape rationin onl a las
resort However Simpl di admi contingenc pla ha bee
prepare fo rationin an h ha ordere th printin o five-
yea suppl o ratio coupons.
Source clos t th Whit Hous indicat th pla wil allo
a averag famil o fou abou seve roll o toile pape
month Adjustment wil b mad a th situatio demands Fo
example familie wit hig incidenc o diarrhe can wit
verifyin statemen fro thei physician appl fo additiona
NE YOR - A estimate 9 pe cen o th nation' res
room close voluntaril toda i th nation' firs tissueles
Sunday Thos wh disregarde th Presidentia reques an
staye open reporte lon line an wait o thre t fou
Moto club aroun th countr wer floode wit call askin
fo informatio o ope res rooms Stat polic reporte n
majo disturbance althoug ther wa som pani a res roo
alon th Ne Yor Stat Thruwa whe toile becam clogged.
On enterprisin restauran owne i Fargo Nort Dakota wa
offerin fre file migno an $1 charg fo usin th res
NE YOR - Basebal Commissione Bowi Kuh announce toda
tha majo leagu basebal woul d it par t eas th curren
toile pape crisis Kuh sai tha al gam program woul b
printe o non-abrasiv pape an toilet woul b ope onl
durin pitchin changes.
LONDO - Polic reporte toda tha th grandso o oi
billionair Hecto Joh Huf ha bee kidnapped ranso not
lef b th kidnapper demande 3. millio roll o toile
paper Polic refuse t disclos th dropof location bu i
wa believe t b th Colosseu i Rome.
Th kidnapper hav alread refuse Huff' offe o $
millio fo th retur o hi grandson Negotiation ar
WASHINGTO - Tissu Cza Josep Simpl toda announce a
Administratio pla t exten nighttim b a additiona fiv
hour i th continuin effor t cu toile pape consumption.
I prepare statement Simpl said "Th Administratio
feel tha mos peopl don' us th toile whil sleeping
Therefore i w ca ge peopl t slee longe w fee w ca
significantl reduc th us o toile tissue."
Simpl sai tha onc Presiden Reaga sign th bil int
law darknes wil exten fro p.m t 1 a.m H sai thi
wil appl t bot winte an summer.
ELKHOME Indian - Thi quie Midwester tow becam th
firs i th natio t ru completel ou o toile pape Monday
Mayo Georg Power ha issue a urgen reques fo stat an federa ai an Governo Thoma Lou ha requeste th Federa
Governmen designat th tow disaste area.
preliminar pla t airdro 2 case o toile pape t
thi beleaguere tow wa cancelle becaus o th pani i migh
cause A officia o th Re Cros sai tha agenc i helples
t len assistance "W hav plent o blood, h said "bu no
rol o toile paper."
An s th resident o Elkhom mus swea i ou fo a
least another day.

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