Category : Various Text files
Archive   : GUIDE_13.ZIP
Filename : COLGUIDE.HYP
The College
Student's Guide
To Life
\Version\ 1.3
Written and Researched by
Joey Dagastine
\Table of Contents\
..end(main)
..Table of Contents
..window(Table of Contents) 4,15,3,3,30,20
\Admission\
\Alcohol\
\Books\
\Breaking Up\
\BBS\
\Children\
\Class\
\Clothes\
\Computers\
\Dating\
\Dormitories\
\English\
\Entertainment\
\Exams\
\Food\
\Fraternity\
\Friends\
\History\
\Homework\
\Library\
\Life\
\Literature\
\Making Love\
\Mathematics\
\Money\
\Mornings\
\Movies\
\Music\
\Notes\
\Pain\
\Partying\
\Poetry\
\Recreation\
\Relaxing\
\Restaurants\
\Sex\
\Sleep\
\Sorority\
\Stereo Equipment\
\Student Governments\
\Studying\
\Television\
\Tests\
\Transportation\
..end(Table of Contents)
..Admission
..window(Admission) 4,15,4,4,65,8
This is the first step in college. You must be admitted in
order to attend. Do not become despondent about not being
admitted, you will find some place that will take you. A good
bet are the community colleges. Don't criticize them, they're
pretty good and widely accepted by most four year universities.
..end(Admission)
..Alcohol
..window(Alcohol) 4,15,4,4,65,10
This is formed by the fermentation of sugars. It should be
noted that alcohol has a "buzzing" effect on some people. Too
much alcohol can result in impairment of bodily functions, loss
of consciousness, or even death. Never drink alcohol and drive a
car after the party. This often has terminal results. There is
no shame in spending the night at a party, who knows, you might
find someone special (see \Dating\).
..end(Alcohol)
..Books
..window(Books) 4,15,4,4,65,8
You need a lot of them along with a lot of money to buy
them. One good thing about college books, they're yours and you
can mutilate them without worrying about being fined at the end
of the class. Great way to reduce your funds and/or stress
level. Not recommended for small children to participate.
..end(Books)
..Breaking Up
..window(Breaking Up) 4,15,4,4,65,10
This is one of those things that you don't want to deal with
during exam week, or any other week for that matter. If you
really loved the person you are breaking up with, it's like part
of you is dying. Try to be friends. That might be a good thing
or it might no. Let time pass, you may work things out after
all. If not, then put him/her out of your mind (see \Partying\,
\Studying\, and \Dating\).
..end(Breaking Up)
..BBS
..window(BBS) 4,15,4,4,65,10
BBS stands for Bulletin Board System. These are computer
systems that anybody who has a modem can call. There are many
local systems in every state that participate in a variety of
networks worldwide. Most of these systems are free of charge,
but donations are often rewarded with increased on-line time and
a variety of other features. There are some systems that cost
money, and a whole lot of money, like Compuserve, Delphi,
Prodigy, and the like.
..end(BBS)
..Children
..window(Children) 4,15,4,4,65,6
When you go to college, it's natural to start acting like a
three old (see recreational topics: \gargling in public\,
\twiddling your toes\, and \talking to your feet\). Do not act
like a child in the presences of someone you wish to impress.
..end(Children)
..Class
..window(Class) 4,15,4,4,65,8
Class is a joke with a bad punch-line. If you don't show
up, the joke's on you. Most professors can't teach you anything
about the class you're in, but everything else in the universe
will be covered. Study hard, you will be tested on everything
that isn't covered in the class meetings, in essence, what the
class is supposed to cover.
..end(Class)
..Clothes
..window(Clothes) 4,15,4,4,65,8
If you want to avoid some very strange looks, wear some.
The trick to clothing is finding a low price on something that
looks good. There is nothing wrong with going into a store
called Pic n' Pay shoes or Peebles clothing store. It's places
like these that have some of the best clothing at some of the
lowest prices around.
..end(Clothes)
..Computers
..window(Computers) 4,15,4,4,65,9
Without these wonderful machines, this guide would never had
been finished. They're everywhere you are. Look around and see
if you can find something that has not been touched by computers
in one way or another. If you can't find anything, you're either
a moron or you're dead. Video games can be a great way to have
fun, relieve stress, and reduce your funds.
..end(Computers)
..Dating
..window(Dating) 4,15,4,4,65,9
A lot of fun. You're in the big leagues now. Everyone
wants to have fun and forget studying. Go ahead and date, you
might fall in love. If you don't, keep on dating. Remember,
date only if you want to. It's not written in stone that you
have to date, but you should. One word of advice about dating a
co-worker, member of a work group, or a roommate: D O N ' T. If
things go bad, there will be hell to pay.
..end(Dating)
..Dormitories
..window(Dormitories) 4,15,4,4,65,9
Cheap living space is not always the best. At some
universities, it is common for the fire alarm to go off at the
early hours of the morning more than once on any given weekend.
Rooms are usually just large enough for two people to sleep,
study and shower. It does beat paying a large monthly rent or
living at home though.
..end(Dormitories)
..English
..window(English) 4,15,4,4,65,10
This was the only language in this country. Spanish is
becoming the a common second language. It should be noted that
no one really knows how to speak english, including those who
teach it. It don't make no sense. And it always breaks its own
rules. How can we learn to follow the rules when everything
around us breaks the rules?
..end(English)
..Entertainment
..window(Entertainment) 4,15,4,4,65,8
The amount of entertainment you can get is directly
proportional to how much money you have. The more money you
have, the more entertainment you can get. You can get
entertainment without money, but it's usually the product of a
deranged mind (see \Dating\, \Partying\, \Studying\, \Movies\).
..end(Entertainment)
..Exams
..window(Exams) 4,15,4,4,65,8
These are the most dreaded of all tests. Most exams cover
the same thing, the universe in general, what was not covered in
class (usually the subject you are supposed to be studying), and
specific details of hemorrhoidal tissues. Study hard for these
mind blasters, your grade depends on doing well.
..end(Exams)
..Food
..window(Food) 4,15,4,4,65,5
Most college food will remind you of your high school days,
mainly the longing for that old cafeteria food. There's no shame
in carrying a brown bag and quarters for the vending machines.
..end(Food)
..Fraternity
..window(Fraternity) 4,15,4,4,65,3
Little male orientated societies with a basis on bonding.
..end(Fraternity)
..Friends
..window(Friends) 4,15,4,4,65,7
Very nice to have. Make as many as you can. Friends make
great study groups and stress relievers. Some friends of the
opposite sex can be very rewarding (see \Dating\, \Partying\,
\Sex\).
..end(Friends)
..History
..window(History) 4,15,4,4,65,8
History does not repeat itself, only historians repeat
history. They need something to do and justify the huge sums of
money we pay them each year. Without historians, we would not be
constantly be reminded of the mistakes in the past that we want
so desperately to forget.
..end(History)
..Homework
..window(Homework) 4,15,4,4,65,6
To do it or not to do it, that is the question. If your
professor collects homework or if you don't know the topic well,
do it. If not, see \Relaxing
\, and \Recreation\.
..end(Homework)
..Library
..window(Library) 4,15,4,4,65,4
Most colleges have one. They can be very useful. Most have
books and periodicals. Some actually have useful information.
..end(Library)
..Life
..window(Life) 4,15,4,4,65,8
This is one of the least understood things around today. It
helps to try and formulate a \theory\ as to what Life really is.
To get an understanding of Life, the Universe and Everything,
read the four book trilogy The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
by Douglas Adams or if you are not a avid reader, go to a party.
..end(Life)
..Literature
..window(Literature) 4,15,4,4,65,6
The whole of literature can be found at your local library
(see \Library\). Understanding literature is slightly easier
than understanding life. If you can master literature, then
mastering life is right around the corner.
..end(Literature)
..Making Love
..window(Making Love) 4,15,4,4,65,6
Slightly differs from sex. More emotion, less lust.
See \Sex\
..end(Making Love)
..Mathematics
..Window(Mathematics) 4,15,4,4,65,6
This stuff would be a whole lot easier without all those
theorems, postulates, definitions, variables, symbols, vectors,
graphs, equations, and everything that has to do with everyday
life.
..end(Mathematics)
..Money
..window(Money) 4,15,4,4,65,9
It doesn't grow on trees. No matter how much you work and
save, you will never have enough money. The best money reducing
agent known is not women as once thought, but rather everything
that has to do with life as we know it. You know, the little
things that a kinder and gentler nation does no need. Little
things like jobs, food, clothing, shelter, bullet proof vests,
and an education.
..end(Money)
..Mornings
..window(Mornings) 4,15,4,4,65,4
The things that follow the nights of partying, studying, and
sleeping. They are really dreaded.
..end(Mornings)
..Movies
..window(Movies) 4,15,4,4,65,10
Going to the movies can be fun. This is usually where you
go when \Dating\ someone. You can always rent a movie and have
some people over for a movie party. Some good movies are:
Backdraft with William Baldwin and Kurt Russel, Robin Hood Prince
of Thieves with Kevin Costner, and of the five Star Trek movies,
City Slickers with Billy Crystal, and of course Terminator I and
II with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
..end(Movies)
..Music
..window(Music) 4,15,4,4,65,8
Listening to music can be rather relaxing or beneficial to
your state of mind. It doesn't matter what kind of music you
like, just as long as you like it. Some good artists to listen
to are Paula Abdul, Bryan Adams, Roxette, Heart, Firehouse,
Extreme, and of course, the best in the world, Enrico Palazo,
NOT!
..end(Music)
..Notes
..window(Notes) 4,15,4,4,65,6
These are the things you are supposed to take while your
professor lectures. If you can keep up with and comprehend
what's said, you will do fine. If not, get a tape recorder and
start taping your lectures.
..end(Notes)
..Pain
..window(Pain) 4,15,4,4,65,7
There are several types of pain. The worst pain results
from either losing your boyfriend/girlfriend or stubbing your
toes on a rather hard piece of wood in a dark room at five-thirty
in the morning after a really good party at which you became
rather drunk (see \Partying\ and \Alcohol\).
..end(Pain)
..Partying
..window(Partying) 4,15,4,4,65,5
This is the only constant in college. "I party, therefore I
am." Great way to relieve stress, forget troubles, and have a
good time. Should come in 6-packs.
..end(Partying)
..Poetry
..window(Poetry) 4,15,4,4,65,7
There are several kinds of poetry. Free verse is of course
the best. It allows yo the freedom to express your self in your
own unique style. The worst poetry should never be read, it
could cause severe bodily harm and permanent brain damage.
..end(Poetry)
..Recreation
..window(Recreation) 4,15,4,4,65,13
Some things to try:
1 \Gargling in public\
2 \In-depth discussions about nothing at all\
3 \Talking to your feet\
4 \Tree Hunting\
5 \Coed Skinny Volleyball\
6 \Vegetating\
7 \Twiddling your toes\
For explanations, see the above sections.
..end(Recreation)
..Gargling in public
..window(Gargling in public) 4,15,5,5,65,5
This one is for those with bad taste. Just gargle anywhere.
Suggested places are: the library, class, cafeteria or any
public place.
..end(Gargling in public)
..In-depth discussions about nothing at all
..window(In-depth discussions about nothing at all) 4,15,5,5,65,4
Such discussions are fun. Just start talking about
something important and let it take its course.
..end(In-depth discussions about nothing at all)
..Talking to your feet
..window(Talking to your feet) 4,15,5,5,65,5
Feel free to do this in public, but beware of strange looks.
This exercise is not limited to your own feet, or any one limb
either.
..end(Talking to your feet)
..Tree Hunting
..window(Tree Hunting) 4,15,5,5,65,4
Similar to real hunting. A little harder to stuff and mount
on a wall, but loads of fun.
..end(Tree hunting)
..Coed Skinny Volleyball
..window(Coed Skinny Volleyball) 4,15,5,5,65,6
Played similar to regulation volleyball, but without
clothing. A nocturnal version exists, but the ball must glow in
the dark. This is not, I repeat, not a winter sport unless you
are indoors.
..end(Coed Skinny Volleyball)
..Vegetating
..window(Vegetating) 4,15,5,5,65,4
Act as if you have a brain made of broccoli. No instruction
is available, just improvise.
..end(Vegetating)
..Twiddling your toes
..window(Twiddling your toes) 4,15,5,5,65,4
Similar to twiddling thumbs. Just substitute your big toes.
Not limited to any one limb.
..end(Twiddling your toes)
..Relaxing
..window(Relaxing) 4,15,4,4,65,9
Relaxing is considered to be an art form to some people. If
you can relax in the most tense of situations, you are considered
to be rather laid back. If you can't relax while you're
unconscious, you're considered to be a tightwad. Relaxing is
important to one's health and state of mind. For more
information see \Friends\, \Dating\, \Partying\, \Recreation\,
and \Sex\.
..end(Relaxing)
..Restaurants
..window(Restaurants) 4,15,4,4,65,10
It's at these places that one can purchase food at high
prices. Most places that require nice \Clothing\ will also have
a high price on it's \Food\. If you want to get a meal while not
at home or your dorm room, go to a fast food restaurant. There
you can get a meal, not so good, for a low price. If you are
looking for good food at a low price, try little out of the way
places or very popular chinese restaurants.
..end(Restaurants)
..Sex
..window(Sex) 4,15,4,4,65,7
Since you're in college, practice these simple steps:
1 \Safe Sex\
2 \Everything else\
..end(Sex)
..Safe Sex
..window(Safe Sex) 4,15,5,5,65,4
Use a condom and spermicide. Remember, what Mom and Dad
don't know won't hurt them.
..end(Safe Sex)
..Everything else
..window(Everything else) 4,15,5,5,65,4
This topic is very extensive. Due to the limited amount of
space in this guide, please refer to more informative material.
..end(Everything else)
..Sleep
..window(Sleep) 4,15,4,4,65,5
You can never get enough. Great way to relax. Naps are
common in college classrooms. Your educational career started
with naps back in kindergarden, it ends with them in college.
..end(Sleep)
..Sorority
..window(Sorority) 4,15,4,4,65,3
Little female orientated societies with a basis on bonding.
..end(Sorority)
..Stereo Equipment
..window(Stereo Equipment) 4,15,4,4,65,11
There is another world when it comes to stereo equipment.
When considering buying a stereo system, one must ask, what kind
of \Music\ am going to play on it. Some music requires large
powerful speakers where others only need headphones. What kind
of music media do I want to use? This pertains to vinyl records,
tapes, or compact discs. How much can I really afford is usually
the next question. This is followed by, "I can afford a walkman
and besides, those large systems use too much electricity." Good
luck.
..end(Stereo Equipment)
..Student Governments
..window(Student Governments) 4,15,4,4,65,10
The only way to change your school to the way you want it is
with support. If you have a Student Government Association
(SGA), you're all set. Just go to one of the meetings and when
it comes time for new input, give it your all. If your school
doesn't have one, you can always start one. It can be loads of
fun and working on a SGA always looks good on a transfer
application or a job application.
..end(Student Governments)
..Studying
..window(Studying) 4,15,4,4,65,3
If you have time, give it a try. You might learn something.
..end(Studying)
..Television
..window(Television) 4,15,4,4,65,8
This wonderful machine can be found in every home across the
nation and possibly the world. It should be noted that trying to
do \Homework\ or \Studying\ in front of one can be rather
distracting, however a television can enhance a party. Watching
television after consuming an obscene amount of \Alcohol\ can
lead to an interesting evening.
..end(Television)
..Tests
..window(Tests) 4,15,4,4,65,4
Study for these, they may be important. Some will be easy
and some will be hard. See \Exams\.
..end(Tests)
..Transportation
..window(Transportation) 4,15,4,4,65,7
That's your problem. No more "Yellow Limo." You're on your
own now. Forms of transportation are: cars, busses, bicycles,
walking, and hitching a lift. For instructions of hitching a
lift, consult the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas
Adams.
..end(Transportation)
..theory
..window(theory) 4,15,5,5,65,7
This my theory of Life: Life is like a burrito, you can
fill it with anything. The meaning of life is simply one thing.
That thing you must find out for yourself. It may take you all
of your life to find that one thing, but when you do, everything
will become clear and peaceful.
..end(theory)
..Version
..window(Version) 4,15,3,3,65,21
This is version 1.3 of this guide. I have spent many hours
preparing this guide for release. If you have any comments,
complaints, or additions that you like to see in this guide,
please send me your ideas. This guide is Freeware and may be
distributed at your discretion without being sold. If you would
like the latest version of this guide, mail me a formatted 3.5
in. diskette in a diskette mailer along with $5.00 to cover
postage and handling to the address below. Donations are
welcome.
Joey Dagastine c/o College Guide
14 Conoy Ct
Sterling, VA 22170
IF YOU HAVE A MODEM...
...call the NVCC BBS at (703)323-3321 and leave a message for
Joe Dagastine with College Guide as the subject and I will get
back to you. I can also be reached on UFP (703)860-1058 user
#12, Game Galaxy (703)256-4117 user #41, Starship Enterprise BBS
(703)522-9568 user #245, The Atlantis BBS (703)355-0840, Decker's
Paradise (703)455-2906, Hanger 6 (703)841-0393, or Elderitch
Blvd. (703)931-0431.
..end(Version)
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