The BILL of RIGHTS

The first ten ammendments to the Constitution are known as "The Bill of Rights"
because that is what everybody calls them. These ammendments spell out the
basic rights that all of us enjoy as Americans.

The FIRST Ammendment states that members of religious groups, no matter how
small or unpopular, shall have the right to hassle you in airports.

The SECOND Ammendment states that, since a well-regulated militia is necessary
to the security of a free state, you can buy high-powered guns via mail order
and go out into the woods with your friends and absolutely vaporize some deer.

The THIRD Ammendment states that you don't have to quarter troops inside your
house. "You troops are just going to have to sleep on the patio" is a
perfectly constitutional thing for you to tell them.

The FOURTH Ammendment states that if your aunt had testicles, she would be your
uncle.

The FIFTH Ammendment states that your Fifth Ammendment rights cannot be
violated until you are advised of them.

The SIXTH Ammendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have the
right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury duty.

The SEVENTH Ammendment states that if you are in the express lane, and you have
more than one item of produce of the same biological type, you have the right
to count these as one item in order to keep yourself under th 10-item limit.

The EIGHT Ammendment states that if you are seated directly in front of a
person who has to comment on every single scene in the movie- and we are
talking here about really perceptive comments, such as when a character is
getting into his car and the person behind you says "He's getting into his car
now"- then you have the right to go "SHHHH!" two times in a warning manner,
after which you have the right to kill this person with a stick.

The NINTH Ammendment states that you shall not covet your neighbor's wife.

The TENTH Ammendment states that, OK, if your neighbors wife is dropping a lot
of hints, really coming ON to you, that is a different matter.

- from "Dave Barry Slept Here" (parody of American History)