Category : Various Text files
Archive   : GFILES.ZIP
Filename : CUCUMBER.TXT

 
Output of file : CUCUMBER.TXT contained in archive : GFILES.ZIP

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THE CUCUMBER BOOK 24 reasons why cucumber are better than men:
Corrections and copy-editing by K. Shintaku.
Prepared for the L.H.S. Band Pansy-ettes.
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THE CUCUMBER BOOK 76 more reasons......
Corrections and additions made by Captin Marshmello.
Prepared for the BBSing community.
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THE AVERAGE CUCUMBER IS AT LEAST SIX INCHES LONG.

CUCUMBERS STAY HARD FOR A WEEK.

A CUCUMBER WON'T TELL YOU SIZE DOESN'T COUNT

CUCUMBERS DONT GET TOO EXCITED.

A CUCUMBER NEVER SUFFERS FROM PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

CUCUMBERS ARE EASY TO PICK UP

YOU CAN FONDLE CUCUMBERS IN A SUPER MARKET...AND YOU KNOW HOW FIRM IT IS
BEFORE YOU TAKE ONE HOME.

CUCUMBERS CAN GET AWAY ANY WEEKEND.

WITH A CUCUMBER, YOU CAN GET A SINGLE ROOM...AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO
CHECK IN AS MRS. CUCUMBER.

A CUCUMBER WILL ALWAYS RESPECT YOU IN THE MORNING.

YOU CAN GO TO A MOVIE WITH A CUCUMBER AND SEE THE MOVIE.

AT A DRIVE IN YOU CAN STAY IN THE FRONT SEAT.

A CUCUMBER CAN ALWAYS WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME.

A CUCUMBER WON'T EAT ALL THE POPCORN...OR SEND YOU OUT FOR MILK DUDS.

A CUCUMBER WON'T DRAG YOU TO A JOHN WAYNE FILM FESTIVAL.

A CUCUMBER WON'T ASK "AM I THE FIRST?"

CUCUMBERS DON'T CARE IF YOUR A VIRGIN.

CUCUMBERS WON'T TELL OTHER CUCUMBERS YOUR NOT A VIRGIN.

CUCUMBERS WON'T TELL ANYONE YOUR NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE.

WITH A CUCUMBER YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN MORE THAN ONCE.

CUCUMBERS WON'T MAKE YOU WEAR KINKY CLOTHER OR GO TO BED WITH YOUR
BOOTS ON.

CUCUMBERS AREN'T INTO ROPE AND LEATHER, TALKING DIRTY OR SWINGING WITH
FRUITS AND YOU CAN HAVE AS MANY CUCUMBERS YOU CAN HANDLE.

YOU ONLY EAT CUCUMBER WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

CUCUMBERS NEVER NEED A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

CUCUMBERS WON'T ASK, "AM I THE BEST, HOW WAS IT, DID YOU COME, HOW MANY
TIMES?"

CUCUMBERS AREN'T JEALOUS OF YOUR GYNECOLOGIST, SKI INTRUCTOR OR HAIR
DRESSER

A CUCUMBER WON'T WANT TO JOIN YOUR SUPPORT GROUP

CUCUMBERS AREN'T INTO MEANINGFUL DISCUSSIONS

CUCUMBERS WON'T ASK ABOUT YOUR LAST LOVER...OR SPECULATE ABOUT YOUR
NEXT ONE.

A CUCUMBER WON'T MIND HIDING IN THE REFRIGERATOR WHEN YOUR MOTHER COMES
OVER.

A CUCUMBER WILL NEVER MAKE A SCENE BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER CUCS
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, YOU CAN ALWAYS GET A FRESH CUCUMBER.

CUCUMBERS CAN HANDLE REJECTION.

A CUCUMBER WON'T POUT IF YOU HAVE A HEADACHE

A CUCUMBER WON'T CARE WHAT TIME OF THE MONTH IT IS.

A CUCUMBER NEVER WANTS TO GET IT ON WHEN YOUR NAILS ARE WET.

A CUCUMBER WON'T GIVE IT UP FOR LENT

WITH A CUCUMBER, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO SAY YOUR SORRY.

CUCUMBERS DON'T LEAVE WHISKER BURNS, FALL ASLEEP ON YOUR CHEST OR DROOL
ON THE PILLOW.

A CUCUMBER WILL NEVER GIVE YOU A HICKEY.

CUCUMBERS CAN STAY UP ALL NIGHT...AND YOU WONT HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE
WET SPOT.

AFTERWARDS, A CUCUMBER WON'T....WANT TO SHAKE HANDS AND BE FRIENDS,

SAY I'LL CALL YOU A CAB, TELL YOU HE'S NOT THE MARRYING KIND, CALL HIS
MOTHER, EX WIFE OR THERAPIST, TAKE YOU TO CONFESSION.

CUCUMBERS DON'T LEAVE YOU WONDERING FOR A MONTH.

A CUCUMBER WON'T MAKE YOU GO TO THE DRUGSTORE.

CUCUMBERS WON'T TELL YOU A VASECTOMY WILL RUIN IT FOR THEM.

A CUCUMBER A DAY KEEPS THE OBGYN AWAY.

A CUCUMBER WON'T WORK YOUR CROSSWORD PUZZLE WITH INK.

A CUCUMBER ISN'T ALLERGIC TO YOUR CAT.

WITH A CUCUMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE DURING
THE FLU SEASON.

CUCUMBERS NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE OR BORROW YOUR CAR.

A CUCUMBER WON'T EAT ALL YOUR FOOD OR DRINK ALL YOUR LIQUOR.

A CUCUMBER DOESN'T TURN YOUR BATHROOM INTO A LIBRARY.

CUCUMBERS WON'T GO THROUGH YOUR MEDICINE CHEST.

A CUCUMBER DOESN'T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH, ROLL ON OR HAIRSPRA.

CUCUMBERS WON'T LEAVE HAIR IN THE SINK OR A RING IN THE TUB.

CUCUMBERS DON'T LEAVE DIRTY SHORTS ON THE FLOOR.

A CUCUMBER NEVER FORGETS TO FLUSH THE TOILET.

A CUCUMBER DOESN'T FLUSH THE TOILET WHILE YOUR TAKING A SHOWER.

WITH A CUCUMBER, THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS THE WAY YOU LEFT IT.

CUCUMBERS DON'T COMPARE YOU TO A CENTERFOLD.

CUCUMBERS CAN'T COUNT TO TEN.

CUCUMBERS DON'T TELL YOU THEY LIKED YOU BETTER WITH LONG HAIR.

A CUCUMBER WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN, ANOTHER MAN OR
ANOTHER CUCUMBER.

A CUCUMBER WILL NEVER CALL AND SAY, "I HAVE TO WORK LATE HONEY.", THEN
COME HOME SMELLING LIKE ANOTHER WOMAN.

A CUCUMBER NEVER SNAPS YOUR BRA, PINCHES YOUR BUTT OR GIVES YOU A
SNUGGY.

YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHERE YOUR CUCUMBER HAS BEEN.

A CUCUMBER NEVER HAS TO CALL THE WIFE.

CUCUMBERS DON'T HAVE MID LIFE CRISES.

A CUCUMBER WON'T LEAVE YOU FOR A CHEERLEADER OR AN EX NUN.

CUCUMBERS DON'T PLAY THE GUITAR AND TRY TO FIND THEMSELVES.

YOU WON'T FIND OUT LATER THAT YOUR CUCUMBER, IS MARRIED, IS ON PENICILLIN
LIKES YOU, BUT LOVES YOUR BROTHER.

A CUCUMBER DOESN'T HAVE BASEBALL PRACTICE ON THE DAY YOU MOVE.

CUCUMBERS NEVER TELL YOU WHAT THEY DID ON R&R.

A CUCUMBER WON'T ASK FOR A TRANSFER JUST WHEN YOUR UP FOR A PROMOTION.

CUCUMBERS DON'T CARE IF YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THAN THEY DO.

A CUCUMBER WON'T WEAR A LEISURE SUIT TO YOUR OFFICE X-MAS PARTY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL HALF TIME TO TALK TO YOUR CUCUMBER.

A CUCUMBER WON'T LEAVE TOWN ON NEW YEARS EVE.

A CUCUMBER WON'T TAKE YOU TO A DISCO AND DUMP YOU FOR A FLASHY OUTFIT.

CUCUMBERS NEVER WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME TO MOM.

A CUCUMBER DOESN'T CARE IF YOU ALWAYS SPEND THE HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR
FAMILY.

A CUCUMBER WON'T ASK TO BE PUT THROUGH MED SCHOOL.

A CUCUMBER WON'T TELL YOU HES OUTGROWN YOU INTELLECTUALLY.

CUCUMBERS NEVER EXPECT YOU TO HAVE LITTLE CUCUMBERS.

CUCUMBERS DON'T SAY, LETS KEEP TRYING UNTIL WE HAVE A BOY.

A CUCUMBER WON'T INSIST THE LITTLE CUKES BE RAISED CATHOLIC, JEWISH
OR ORTHODOX VEGETARIAN.

IT'S EASY TO DROP A CUCUMBER.

A CUCUMBER WILL NEVER CONTEST A DIVORCE, DEMAND A PROPERTY SETTLEMENT
OR SEEK CUSTODY OF ANYTHING.

NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CUKE AND EAT IT TOO.


  3 Responses to “Category : Various Text files
Archive   : GFILES.ZIP
Filename : CUCUMBER.TXT

  1. Very nice! Thank you for this wonderful archive. I wonder why I found it only now. Long live the BBS file archives!

  2. This is so awesome! 😀 I’d be cool if you could download an entire archive of this at once, though.

  3. But one thing that puzzles me is the “mtswslnkmcjklsdlsbdmMICROSOFT” string. There is an article about it here. It is definitely worth a read: http://www.os2museum.com/wp/mtswslnk/