From: [email protected] (David V. Phillips)
Memorandum for: All Employees
From: Training Branch
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
1. In order to ensure that we continue to produce the highest quality
work possible, it will be office policy to keep all employees well
trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training
(SHIT). We want to give our employees more SHIT than anyone else.
2. If you feel you have not received your share of SHIT on the job,
please see your manager. You will be placed at the top of his SHIT
list for special attention. All managers are experienced and well
versed to ensure you receive all the SHIT you can handle.
3. If you consider yourself thoroughly trained already, you may be
interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic
Understanding Lecture List - Special High Intensity Training
4. Your interest in this program is greatly appreciated. With the
personality some employees display, there is great potential for some
to progress to Directory of Intensity Programming - Special High
Intensity Training (DIP-SHIT).
5. Overall office productivity can only be maximized with total
participation. Employees found to be non-compliant with SHIT policies
will be remanded to the Department to Enhance Employee Participation -
Special High Intensity Training (DEEP-SHIT).
6. If you have further questions, please address them to the Head Of
Training - Special High Intensity Training (HOT-SHIT) on extension
208. Your suggestion will be placed in the Special High Intensity
Training - Program to Improve Lethargic Employees (SHIT-PILE).
Boss In General - Special High Intensity Training (BIG-SHIT)