Contents of the COMPUTAH.TXT file
List (Unformatted): COMPUTAHOLICS
This article is being presented through the *StarBoard* Journal of
the FlagShip/StarShip, SIGS (Special Interest Groups) on the
Delphi and GEnie telecommunications networks. Permission is
hereby granted to non-profit organizations only to reprint this
article or pass it along electronically as long as proper credit
is given to both the author and the *StarBoard* Journal.
Computaholics Exam - by MATRAT, CFJ, and RABBIT
Are you a Compute-a-holic? Many of us are without even realizing it.
Below are a *few* questions to help you take a somewhat humorous look
at your computing habits, and decide if you need help. A new chapter
of Computaholics anonymous may be forming near you. Charles and I were
charter members, but found that it cut into our "coding time" so we
Questions by Mat*Rat:
Do you use disk lables for tape?
Do you buy disks in lots of 100?
Has this ever happened to you?: Your spouse gets *frisky* and you say,
"Not tonight honey, I've got a bug." And then you have to explain that
you meant *in your program*, when your better half breaks out the Pepto
Do you use more than a CASE of paper per year?
Do you own and frequently use a calculator capable of Hexadecimal and
Do you have computer style personalized license plates such as: CPU-HED
? PLA-PHA ? PAG-ZRO ? MEG-4ME ? GIG-BYT ? 4160ST ? BLITER ?
Can you look at memory hex dumps and disassemble them in your head?
Have you ever written an assembly language program that is more than
10K of pure object code?
Every time you pass a computer, typewriter, or anything with keys, do
you get this irresistable urge to type something?
Is your profession non-clerical in nature, yet you can type 70 words
per minute or more?
Would you RATHER write a video game than play one?
When a friend calls you to ask you about a problem with his monitor, do
you immediately start thinking in assembly code, when he meant his
Do you HOPE the teacher assigns a term paper instead of a mid term
exam, so you can do it on your computer?
Have you ever waked up at 3AM face down on your computer's keyboard?
Do you take computer magazines to the toilet with you?
Do you have a bumper sticker which reads, "I'd rater be COMPUTING than
If you are a professional programmer do you ever wonder, "Why do they
PAY me to have this much fun?"
When lunch or break time rolls around, do you start working on a
computer program for home?
Do you have a "computer ROOM" in your house?
Do you take computer books to the doctor's office, dentist, or barber
Do your kids teethe on game cartridges and disk cases?
Do you save Velveeta Cheese boxes to use as 3 1/2" disk tubs?
Do your kids use your bad disks for frisbees?
Do you subscribe to more than one COMPUTER MAGAZINE?
Do you ever take a VACATION DAY so you can spend 16 hours in front of
your computer at home?
Do you own more than $3000 worth of "home computer" equipment?
Do you write a "quick and dirty" checkbook balancing program when you
pay the monthly bills, because it's too much trouble to find a
Do your kids say things like, "Compile error Dad, can't mow the lawn
today.I got a priority interrupt and have to go to the library and
process some homework!" ?
Do you ever confuse computer terms with cliches like: "Man, he did he
ever blow his stack pointer!"
Do you print the kids' school valentines, Christmas, or birthday cards
with the computer?
Questions by CFJ:
Do you constantly lose important phone numbers and info under piles of
computer manuals and printer paper?
Do you have a neurotic fear of throwing away any box that once
contained computer equipment, in case you might have to "send it back
to the factory"?
Do you have piles and piles of such boxes, filling every closet and
every inch of garage space in your living area?
Do you have to take out several trash bags full of obsolete program
listings every week?
Does your spouse often threaten your computer with violence...in a
"joking" way, of course? (Examples: "I'll take an axe to that thing!",
"throw it in the pool", etc.)
Have YOU ever threatened a guest with violence if he set a glass of
water down next to the computer?
Do you talk to the computer as if it could hear you?
Do you own more than two computer languages that you never use? And
never even learned?
Do you own a shirt-pocket pencil holder?
Charles F. Johnson
Computaholic questions by RABBIT:
When your girlfriend (wife, etc.) says "it's too hot, I think I'll slip
into something more comfortable", do you run to turn up the air
conditioner to protect your computer from overheating?
Do your family and friends write you letters instead of calling since
they can never get through to you on the phone, while you play on
Delphi, BBS and the like?
Are all the clocks in your house 24 hour format?
When you read about Americans and Russians negotiating ICBM reduction,
do you wonder how many Commodore computers they could destroy?
Do you put Audio CDs in your computer's CD-ROM player to analyze them?
Do you take your family on a "get away" vacation to Silicon Valley?
Have you worn the letters off your computer's keyboard?
Can you recite the alphabet in ASCII codes?
Has your dog ever attacked, or raised its leg upon, your computer sytem
out of jealousy?
Do you read license plates to look for letter combinations that look
like assembly opcodes?
When your wife says she is going to take a "drive to the store" do you
get a sudden urge to go check on your disk drives?
Is your idea of a BIG ADVENTURE playing one?
Can your children do binary arithmetic?
Have burglers ever hit the entire neighborhood except your house,
because you are always UP CODING?
Is the biggest tragedy in your life a power outage?
Do you use computer chips instead of thumb tacks?
Have you actually ever managed to finish a programming project on time?
(If so, you are definitely a computaholic.)
Have you ever realized that you "forgot to go to bed" when the alarm
goes off, while sitting in front of the keyboard?
Have you ever gotten a new toy for your child that requires "parental
assembly" and gone to fire up your Macro Assembler?
Do you program in ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE rather than C, Pascal, or Action,
just for the FUN OF IT?
Do your neighbors call the air force because of a strange glow
eminating from one room in your house all night long?
Do strange noises, freqeuent orders for chinese food and many packages
from UPS (which you elatedly wait for) catch their attention?
Do you celebrate COMDEX as a national holidy?
And *MORE* Computaholic Questions from *deb*:
WELLL....except for the 10K Assembly, the pocket pen holder and
something else , I felt like I just read...
THIS IS YOUR LIFE
You did forget a couple, tho....
Can you hotwire a phone into your direct connect modem from any motel
or relatives house?
Do you travel with a computer?
Have you forgotten how to talk to other parents at the PTA meeting?
Do you burst out laughing when your spouse is talking and manages to
make a completely hidden reference outside of the context of the
subject which is hilarious when applied as a computer joke?
Does a newly discovered BBS become a highlight of your day?
Do you string your own telephone wires and electrical extensions?
Have you ever had to explain to the phone company why you *need* 4
Are you constantly trying to find a 'better disk editor' or a 'better
input routine' or a 'better word processor' ???
Have you ever finished a program and delivered it, then never modified
it again? <>
Do your kids know how to spell RUN before they knew how to spell their
Have you noticed how old friends just cannot carry on interesting
conversations any more??
ACTION> (Next, Down, Xm, List)