Category : A Collection of Games for DOS and Windows
Archive   : TODAYWIT.ZIP
Filename : TODAY.WIT

F0101 Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
F0102 Every Titanic has its iceberg.
F0103 An honest politician: One who stays bought.
F0104 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
F0105 What's the most popular form of birth control? The headache.
F0106 Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
F0107 Whatever advice you give, be brief.
F0108 He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
F0109 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0110 If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
F0111 When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
F0112 A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
F0113 When all else fails, read the directions.
F0114 If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
F0115 If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am.
F0116 When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
F0117 Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
F0118 It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize
F0118 Cthat you are in a hurry.
F0119 Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
F0120 Chicken Little only has to be right once.
F0121 Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
F0121 Cconclusion with confidence.
F0122 The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's resemblence
F0122 Cto being one of a sled dog team.
F0122 CNo one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.
F0123 If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
F0123 Chad a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
F0124 If anything can go wrong, it will.
F0125 First Law of Revision:
F0125 CInformation necessitiating a change of design will be
F0125 Cconveyed to the designer after - and only after - the
F0125 Cplans are complete.
F0125 C(Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
F0126 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
F0127 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools
F0127 Care so ingenious.
F0128 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
F0129 Everything goes wrong all at once.
F0130 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be
F0130 Cfound to have been correct in the first place.
F0131 If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
F0201 Every human being comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
F0202 To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
F0203 To save one life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
F0204 To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult,
F0204 Cto criticize the competent.
F0205 There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
F0206 There's at least one fool in every married couple.
F0207 There is always someone worse off than yourself.
F0208 The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
F0209 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
F0210 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole:
F0210 CFor support rather than illumination.
F0211 No matter what the experiment's result, there will always
F0211 Cbe someone eager to:
F0211 C (a) misinterpret it.
F0211 C (b) fake it.
F0211 C or
F0211 C (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
F0212 In any collection of data, the figure most obviously
F0212 Ccorrect, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
F0213 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
F0213 Conly makes it worse.
F0214 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio
F0214 Cto its desirability.
F0215 In crises that force people to choose among alternative
F0215 Ccourses of action, most people will choose the worst one
F0215 Cpossible.
F0216 You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit.
F0217 Things will get worse before they will get better.
F0217 CWho said things would get better?
F0218 Commoner's Second Law of Ecology:
F0218 C Nothing ever goes away.
F0219 Howe's Law:
F0219 C Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
F0220 Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
F0220 C Once you open a can of worms, the only way to
F0220 C recan them is to use a bigger can.
F0221 Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations:
F0221 C Negative expectations yield negative results.
F0221 C Positive expectations yield negative results.
F0222 Klipstein's Law:
F0222 C Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward
F0222 C maximum difficulty of assembly.
F0222 C Interchangeable parts won't.
F0223 You never find a lost article until you replace it.
F0224 Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:
F0224 C The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely
F0224 C proportional to its actual usefulness once bought
F0224 C and paid for.
F0225 Lewis' Law:
F0225 C No matter how long or hard you shop for an item,
F0225 C after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere
F0225 C cheaper.
F0226 If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
F0227 You get the most of what you need the least.
F0228 The Airplane Law:
F0228 C When the plane you are on is late, the plane you
F0228 C want to transfer to is on time.
F0301 The plural of spouse is spice.
F0302 The only rose without thorns is friendship.
F0303 The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
F0304 The light of a hundred stars doesn't equal the light of the moon.
F0305 He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
F0306 The hardest thing to do is to disquise your feelings when sending
F0306 Ca large crowd of visiting relatives home.
F0307 The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth
F0307 Cand sharpen my tongue.
F0308 The best prophet of the future is the past.
F0309 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
F0310 The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

F0311 Etorre's Observation:
F0311 C The other line moves faster.
F0312 Second Law of Revision:
F0312 C The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the
F0312 C further its influence will extend and the more plans
F0312 C will have to be redrawn.
F0313 Corollary to the First Law of Revision:
F0313 C In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus
F0313 C one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the
F0313 C wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
F0314 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0314 CI. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
F0315 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0315 CII. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
F0316 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0316 CIII. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
F0317 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0317 CIV. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
F0318 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0318 CV. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
F0319 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0319 CVI. The value of a program is proportional to the weight
F0319 C of its output.
F0320 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0320 CVII. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the
F0320 C capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
F0321 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0321 CVIII. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
F0322 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0322 CIX. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in
F0322 C contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are
F0322 C limited.
F0323 LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
F0323 CX. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it
F0323 C later.
F0324 Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
F0324 C There's always one more bug.
F0325 Shaw's Principle:
F0325 C Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool
F0325 C will want to use it.
F0326 Law of the Perversity of Nature:
F0326 C You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of
F0326 C the bread to butter.
F0327 Law of Selective Gravity:
F0327 C An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
F0328 Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity:
F0328 C The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down
F0328 C is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
F0329 Wyszkowski's Second Law:
F0329 C Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long
F0329 C enough.
F0330 Sattinger's Law
F0330 C It works better if you plug it in.
F0331 Lowery's Law:
F0331 C If it jams - force it.
F0331 C If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Schmidt's Law:
F0331 C If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
F0401 The average woman would rather be beautiful than smart
F0401 Cbecause the average man can see better than he can think.
F0402 That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.
F0403 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
F0404 Someone is speaking well of you.
F0405 Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
F0406 Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:
F0406 C People are always available for work in the past tense.
F0407 Wiker's Law:
F0407 C Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
F0408 Clarke's First Law:
F0408 C When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that
F0408 C something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When
F0408 C he states that something is impossible, he is very
F0408 C probably wrong.
F0409 Clarke's Third Law:
F0409 C Any sufficiently advanced technology is
F0409 C indistinguishable from magic.
F0410 Segal's Law:
F0410 C A man with a watch knows what time it is.
F0410 C A man with two watches is never sure.
F0411 Weiler's Law:
F0411 C Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do
F0411 C it himself.
F0412 Weinberg's Second Law:
F0412 C If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
F0412 C programs, the first woodpecker to come along would
F0412 C destroy civilization.
F0413 Hartley's Second Law:
F0413 C Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
F0414 Beckhap's Law:
F0414 C Beauty times brains equals a constant.
F0415 Katz's Law:
F0415 C Men and women will act rationally when all other
F0415 C possibilities have been exhausted.
F0416 Cole's Axiom:
F0416 C The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
F0416 C the population is growing.
F0417 Vique's Law:
F0417 C A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
F0418 Jone's Motto:
F0418 C Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
F0419 Churchill's commentary on man:
F0419 C Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of
F0419 C the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
F0420 The ultimate Law:
F0420 C All general statements are false.
F0421 The Unspeakable Law:
F0421 C As soon as you mention something;
F0421 C if it is good, it goes away.
F0421 C if it is bad, it happens.
F0422 The Whispered Rule:
F0422 C People will believe anything if you whisper it.
F0423 The First Law of Wing Walking:
F0423 C Never let hold of what you've got until
F0423 C you've got hold of something else.
F0424 Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning
F0424 C and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
F0425 Farnsdick's corollary:
F0425 C After things have gone from bad to worse,
F0425 C the cycle will repeat itself.
F0426 Lynch's Law:
F0426 C When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
F0427 Law of Revelation:
F0427 C The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
F0428 Langsam's Law:
F0428 C Everything depends.
F0429 Hellrung's Law:
F0429 C If you wait, it will go away.
F0429 CShevelson's Extension:
F0429 C ... having done its damage.
F0429 CGrelb's Addition:
F0429 C ... if it was bad, it will be back.
F0430 Grossman's Misquote:
F0430 C Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong
F0430 C answers.
F0501 Some men are discovered; others are found out.
F0502 Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
F0503 When all is said and done, too many people
F0503 Ckeep on saying and doing.
F0504 Fame is proof that people are gullible.
F0505 We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
F0506 No really great man every thought himself so.
F0507 There is as much greatness in acknowledging a good turn,
F0507 Cas there is in doing it.
F0508 Beware of hip and rum drivers.
F0509 Home to a young boy is merely a filling station.
F0510 Early to rise and ditto to bed, make a man healthy,
F0510 Cbut socially dead.
F0511 Ducharme's Precept:
F0511 C Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
F0512 First Postulate of Isomurphism:
F0512 C Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
F0513 The Unapplicable Law:
F0513 C Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
F0514 Witten's Law:
F0514 C Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a
F0514 C need for them an hour later.
F0515 Perkin's postulate:
F0515 C The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
F0516 Harrison's Postulate:
F0516 C For every action, there is an equal and opposite
F0516 C criticism.
F0517 Conway's Law:
F0517 C In every organization there will always be one person
F0517 C who knows what is going on.
F0517 C This person must be fired.
F0518 Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
F0518 C It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
F0519 MacDonald's Second Law:
F0519 C Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for
F0519 C a number and give it back to them.
F0520 First Law of Laboratory Work:
F0520 C Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
F0521 Handy Guide to Modern Science:
F0521 C1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
F0521 C2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
F0521 C3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
F0522 To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a
F0522 Ccomputer.
F0523 The Sausage Principle:
F0523 C People who love sausage and respect the law
F0523 C should never watch either one being made.
F0524 Horngren's Observation: (generalized)
F0524 C The real world is a special case.
F0525 Merkin's Maxim:
F0525 C When in doubt, predict that the present trend will
F0525 C continue.
F0526 Hawkin's Theory of Progress:
F0526 C Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is
F0526 C wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a
F0526 C theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
F0527 Never attribute to malice that which is
F0527 Cadequately explained by stupidity.
F0528 When seeking love give nothing, Having found love give all.
F0529 Matz's warning:
F0529 C Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of
F0529 C trouble.
F0530 In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes,
F0530 CYouth on the bow, Pleasure at the helm.
F0531 If she had lumbago she couldn't sing a note.
F0601 Show affection, it will probably meet with pleasant response.
F0602 Share your happiness with others today.
F0603 She's learned to say things with her eyes that others
F0603 Cwaste time trying to put into words.
F0604 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
F0605 People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
F0606 Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and
F0606 Care willing to go through hell to get it.
F0607 One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
F0608 One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
F0609 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
F0610 Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
F0611 Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
F0612 No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
F0613 Never say you know a man
F0613 Cuntil you have divided an inheritance with him.
F0614 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
F0615 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
F0616 Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle
F0616 Cto get you out of Casablanca.
F0617 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
F0618 Many a family tree needs trimming.
F0619 Man and wife make one fool.
F0620 Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
F0621 Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver the other gold.
F0622 Make a wish, it might come true.
F0623 Love is sentimental measles.
F0624 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
F0625 Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
F0626 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0627 Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
F0628 The heart is wiser than the intellect.
F0629 May the force be with you.
F0630 It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
F0701 It's clever, but is it art?
F0702 It is far better to be deceived
F0702 Cthan to be undeceived by those we love.
F0703 It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
F0704 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
F0705 If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
F0706 If you make a mistake,
F0706 Cimmediately fix it to the best of your ability.
F0707 If you continually give you will continually have.
F0708 Quit work and play for once.
F0709 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
F0710 I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
F0711 The orator speaks, with his flood of words
F0712 He who is good for making excuses
F0712 Cand his drop of reason.
F0712 Cis seldom good for anything else.
F0713 He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
F0714 He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
F0715 He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
F0716 He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
F0717 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
F0718 Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
F0719 By following the good, you learn to be good.
F0720 Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through.
F0721 An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
F0722 The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
F0723 All who would win joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
F0724 No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
F0725 Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
F0726 An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
F0727 He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.

F0728 No facts are sacred, none are profane.
F0729 Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
F0730 Public speaking takes a two minute idea,
F0730 Cand a two hour vocabulary.
F0731 All work and no play makes jack. And lots of it.
F0801 God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
F0802 Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
F0803 Faith goes out through the window
F0803 Cwhen beauty comes in at the door.
F0804 Everything bows to success, even grammar.
F0805 Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
F0806 Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
F0807 Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
F0808 Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
F0809 Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
F0810 A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a
F0810 Cfool can see from a mountaintop.
F0811 Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
F0812 Only the doctor can suffer from good health.
F0813 Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
F0814 Democracy will continue as long as people have faith
F0814 Cin the people they are going to elect next.
F0815 The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
F0816 God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
F0817 Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
F0818 If we were intended to talk more than we hear,
F0818 Cwe'd have two mouths and only one ear.
F0819 Better to be religious with your eloquence,
F0819 Cthan eloquent with your religion.
F0820 Freedom has a thousand charms to show,
F0820 Cthat slaves, however content, will never know.
F0821 The louder he talked of his honor,
F0821 Cthe faster we counted our change.
F0822 Of all the ills that men endure,
F0822 Chope is the only cheap and universal cure.
F0823 If you bow at all, bow low.
F0824 Toil is most pleasant when done.
F0825 Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
F0826 A minister says matrimony should be enduring. It is.
F0827 No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
F0828 A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
F0829 Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
F0830 To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
F0831 A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
F0901 Do not clog intellect's sluices
F0901 Cwith knowledge of questionable uses.
F0902 Deprive a mirror of its silver
F0902 Cand even the Czar won't see his face.
F0903 Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
F0904 A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
F0905 A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
F0906 Hearts will never be practical til they're unbreakable.
F0907 They do not love that do not show their love.
F0908 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
F0909 Honi soit qui mal y pense.
F0909 C(Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.)
F0910 Ideals kill some men in politics,
F0910 Cbut politics kill more ideals in men.
F0911 Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
F0912 No woman should imitate men; men are not worth it.
F0913 At 18, I was ashamed of how ignorant my father was.
F0913 CAt 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years.
F0914 Most campaign literature is an insult to intelligence.
F0914 CSad that many never realize it.
F0915 You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
F0916 Gold's Law:
F0916 C If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
F0917 Lewis' Law:
F0917 C People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
F0918 Law of Reruns:
F0918 C If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch
F0918 C it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
F0919 Shirley's Law:
F0919 C Most people deserve each other.
F0920 Forgive and remember.
F0921 Woltman's Law:
F0921 C Never program and drink beer at the same time.
F0922 Gallois' Revelation:
F0922 C If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out
F0922 C but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed
F0922 C through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and
F0922 C no one dares to criticize it.
F0923 Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom:
F0923 C Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times,
F0923 C definitely will.
F0924 Allen's Law:
F0924 C Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
F0925 Allen's Axiom:
F0925 C When all else fails, follow instructions.
F0926 Allen's Distinction:
F0926 C The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
F0926 C but the calf won't get much sleep.
F0927 You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
F0928 Avery's Observation:
F0928 C It does not matter if you fall down as long as you
F0928 C pick up something from the floor while you get up.
F0929 Berra's Law:
F0929 C You can observe a lot just by watching.
F0930 Bicycle Law:
F0930 C All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
F0930 C A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.
F0930 C A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.
F0930 C A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
F1001 Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude
F1001 Cis the school of genius.
F1002 Justice delayed is justice denied.
F1003 They know enough who know how to learn.
F1004 The laborer is worthy of his hire, if his labor is.
F1005 Love is blind, to everything except fat.
F1006 A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
F1007 Pale ink beats a good memory.
F1008 Would that government spent our money like it was their own.
F1009 Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
F1010 If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
F1011 Cohen's Law:
F1011 C What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on
F1011 C the facts, not the facts themselves.
Colson's Law:
F1011 C When you've got them by the balls, their hearts
F1011 C and minds will follow.
F1012 Comin's Law:
F1012 C People will accept your idea much more readily if you
F1012 C tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
F1013 Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:
F1013 C If the probability of success is not almost one,
F1013 C then it is damned near zero.
F1014 Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
F1014 C1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong
F1014 C direction.
F1014 C2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
F1015 Goldwyn's Law of Contracts.
F1015 C A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
F1016 Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
F1016 C No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while
F1016 C the legislature is in session.
F1017 Jone's Principle:
F1017 C Needs are a function of what other people have.
F1018 Langin's Law:
F1018 C If things were left to chance,
F1018 C they'd be better.
F1019 In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters,
F1019 C it's how much you save.
F1020 If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
F1020 C theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
F1021 Mencken's Metalaw:
F1021 C For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution;
F1021 C and it is always wrong.
F1022 Sevareid's Law:
F1022 C The chief cause of problems is solutions.
F1023 Thoreau's Law:
F1023 C If you see a man approaching you with the obvious
F1023 C intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
F1024 Peer's Law:
F1024 C The solution to the problem changes the problem.
F1025 Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
F1026 Lyall's Conjecture:
F1026 C If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
F1027 Lyall's Fundamental Observation:
F1027 C The most important leg of a three legged stool
F1027 C is the one that's missing.
F1028 Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
F1028 C Everything costs more and takes longer.
F1029 Klipstein's Lament:
F1029 C All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided
F1029 C by payment of the invoice.
F1030 Klipstein's Observation:
F1030 C Any product cut to length will be too short.
F1031 Sueker's Note:
F1031 C If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in
F1031 C stock.
F1101 A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl
F1101 Cdoesn't lose her confidence.
F1102 I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
F1103 The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
F1104 The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
F1105 Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
F1106 Blessed are the peacemakers, they will never want for work.
F1107 Bachelor's wives and spinster's children are always perfect.
F1108 Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the wall.
F1109 Whatever you have, spend less.
F1110 In fashion be a reed in the wind,
F1110 CIn principles be a rock in the stream.
F1111 He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
F1112 Anthony's Law of Force
F1112 C Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
F1113 Cahn's Axiom:
F1113 C When all else fails, read the instructions.
F1114 Gordon's First Law:
F1114 C If a project is not worth doing at all,
F1114 C it's not worth doing well.
F1115 Law of Research:
F1115 C Enough research will tend to support your theory.
F1116 Maier's Law:
F1116 C If the facts do not conform to the theory,
F1116 C they must be disposed of.
F1117 Rosenfield's Regret:
F1117 C The most delicate component will be dropped.
F1118 Beware of the man who works hard to learn something,
F1118 C learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is
F1118 C full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant
F1118 C without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
F1118 C - Bokonon
F1119 Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
F1119 C remember you when he is in trouble again.
F1120 You can lead a man to slaughter,
F1120 C but you can't make him think.
F1121 Don't get mad, get even.
F1122 Carson's Law:
F1122 C It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
F1123 The Golden Rule:
F1123 C He who has the gold, makes the rules.
F1124 Mark's mark:
F1124 C Love is a matter of chemistry;
F1124 C sex is a matter of physics.
F1125 Don't need a new religion, haven't used the old one up yet.
F1126 There are two sides to every question, politicians take both.
F1127 Politics is either passing the buck or passing the dough.
F1128 To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
F1129 Never despair. If you do, you work on in despair.
F1130 Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
F1201 Two wrongs do not make a right, it usually takes three or more.
F1202 Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
F1203 The greatest programming project of all took six days;
F1203 Con the seventh day the programmer rested.
F1204 The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
F1205 Every noble work is at first impossible.
F1206 To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
F1207 No man's religion ever survives his morals.
F1208 Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
F1209 Selfishness is that vice we see in others, never in ourselves.
F1210 Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
F1211 Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
F1212 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
F1213 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
F1214 Korman's conclusion:
F1214 C The trouble with resisting temptation is it may
F1214 C never come your way again.
F1215 Knight's Law:
F1215 C Life is what happens to you while you are making other
F1215 C plans.
F1216 Maugham's Thought:
F1216 C Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
F1217 Krueger's Observation:
F1217 C A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil
F1217 C service exam in order to work for the government.
F1218 Benchley's Law of Distinction:
F1218 C There are two kinds of people in the world, those who
F1218 C believe there are two kinds of people in the world and
F1218 C those who don't.
F1219 Harver's Law:
F1219 C A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
F1220 Schmidt's Observation:
F1220 C All things being equal, a fat person uses
F1220 C more soap than a thin person.
F1221 Gibb's Law:
F1221 C Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
F1222 Fools rush in where fools have been before.
F1223 Rule of Accuracy:
F1223 C When working towards the solution of a problem, it always
F1223 C helps if you know the answer.
F1224 Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to
F1224 C get out.
F1225 You are not judged by how much you love,
F1225 Cbut by how much you are loved by others.
F1226 Wyszowski's Law:
F1226 C No experiment is reproducible.
F1227 Fett's Law:
F1227 C Never replicate a successful experiment.
F1228 Brooke's Law:
F1228 C Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn
F1228 C fool discovers something which either abolishes the
F1228 C system or expands it beyond recognition.
F1229 The first Myth of Management:
F1229 C It exists.
F1230 Spend sufficient time confirming the need and
F1230 C the need will disappear.
F1231 Peter's Placebo:
F1231 C An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.