Ed T. Toton III
All rights reserved
This is my collection of gags (what a great start, eh?). These are a bunch
of gag programs that I have written myself. As yet the collection is still
somewhat small, but I think you'll get a kick out of it. All of the gags are
quite harmless, but some are still quite devious and irritating.
USE OF THE GAGS:
Note that most gags will be suggested for use in the AUTOEXEC.BAT file.
You can use any test-editor to edit that file, and simply add a line
somewhere with the dos command to run the file.
Also note that it is a good idea to change the names of the files, that
way the person doesn't see the word "GAG" when they look to try to figure out
what's wrong. To re-name a file, simply use the "REN" command (in DOS). Here
is an example:
REN gag5.exe ramdrive.com
That would give GAG5.EXE the new name of "Ramdrive.com". You should try to
use names that aren't already in use in their autoexec file. Also try to give
them names that seem real, like something you SHOULD have. Or give them names
that seem harmless enough, but you still have no idea what it is. Here are
some examples of some decent file-names:
Ramdrive ramdisk doscheck dosdir vscan syscheck
dev sysdev setrate offset segment diskchk
integ defcon condev scansys syscan util
Note that they should always be given either EXE or COM as it's extention.
Here are some examples:
This pack includes a program called GAGRUN.EXE which should be re-named
before use, to use with the following gag programs. Sometimes you would like
to have a gag set up in someone's autoexec.bat file such that it won't take
effect until long after you've set it up, or you just want it to strike at
random. Well, here's the way. This program will run the gag if a certain
random probability score is "rolled up on it's dice," so to speak. To use it
there are some command-line parameters that must be used. Here is how you use
(Things in "<>"'s are mandatory, and things in ""'s are optional.)
Here are some examples:
GAGRUN 10 gag1.exe (1 in 10 chance of running gag1.exe)
GAGRUN 5 gag3.exe c:\dos (1 in 5 chance of running gag3.exe with
a command line parameter of "c:\dos")
- - - - - -
The following are a set of gag programs that I created rather quickly.
It is suggested you change their names for actual use, but these are the
names they come with. They are designed to be put in your autoexec.bat file.
GAG1.EXE -Creates a disk-read error, then says "Just Kidding!"
after about 10 seconds.
GAG2.EXE -Similar to GAG1, but this one pretends to be a virus.
You will see the drive light going, but the file is
simply creating and destroying it's own data file.
This one is scary. To exit you must press Ctrl-Break.
If that doesn't work then reboot, or wait a full five
GAG3.EXE -Not a TSR, but it emulates DOS. You can run programs
and so forth, all dos commands will work. DosKey won't
work nor will the function keys. To exit it type EXIT.
It will look for command.com in the root directory of
drive C unless you specify otherwise. An example of
how is this: Say command.com is in a directory called
DOS on drive D. Then to run this you would type
GAG4.EXE -This makes it look like you're in DOS but everytime
you press a key a bogus error message appears. To
exit it simply hold a key until the keyboard buffer
GAG5.EXE -This program will beep, then make the drive light
run constantly while making strange noises out of
the internal speaker. Really confusing to people
who haven't the foggiest idea what's going on! To
exit you must press Ctrl-Break. If that doesn't
work then reboot, or wait a full five minutes.
If run with ANYTHING listed as a parameter it will
put random gibberish on the screen.
Ex- "GAG5 doscheck" or "GAG5 /s 2048".
GAG6.EXE -This gag will beep once every second, roughly. It
is a TSR that runs in the background, eating about
6.2k of your RAM. Since it is a TSR (terminate and
stay resident program) you can go about your business,
do whatever you like, and your computer will keep on
GAG7.EXE -This program is identical to GAG6 except instead of
beeping, this program toggles the caps-lock, scroll-
lock, and num-lock. You can set the amount of clock
ticks between toggles with a command line parameter
(note that there are 18.2 ticks per second).
EX- "GAG7 8" would give you a toggle every half
second. The number specified PLUS ONE is the number
of ticks. The highest number you can set is 65535.
-Suggestion- try using a BIG number, somewhere in the
thousands if you want to really confuse someone. They
will be typing along, or doing whatever, and every now
and then the lock's will change! They'll be completely
baffled!! Note- this one eats about 5.9k of RAM.
GAG8.EXE -This one is a cross between Gag6 and Gag7. Like gag6
it makes beeping noises periodically. Like gag7 it
does them based on the internal clock. You set the
time between beeps the same way you would set the time
between toggles in GAG7. And this one takes about
7.4k of RAM. (note- try setting this one to about
100 clock ticks and run gag6 as well. This will give
you an interesting "phone-like" sound).
GAG9.EXE -This gag is similar to the previous two gags in the
timing system used. This one, however, reeks havoc on
your text-cursor. The cursor size will be completely
randomized. The cursor will be redefined at a rate as
set by your command-line parameter, just like in GAG7
and GAG8. This one uses about 7.4k of RAM.
GAG10.EXE -This gag is also a TSR like gag7 and gag8. It inserts
random characters into the keyboard buffer. People who
use modems would describe it as line-noise. Since the
characters are sent into the buffer instead of
directly to the screen, they WILL effect whatever you
are doing. If you are writing something in a word
processor, the characters will be stored in your
document. There are two parameters for this one. They
may be excluded if you wish. The first is the time
delay, and it is set up just like gag7 and gag8. The
second is the maximum number of characters to be sent
through each time (defaults to 3). Note that not all
characters are visible, and thus it may appear like
not much is coming through at all. If you wish to set
the second parameter, then you must include the first
one as well. This one uses about 6.4k of RAM, and it
may be quite fun to run it like this: "GAG10 100 1".
GAG11.COM -This gag resembles a modem program with the echo
turned on. When you press a key, 3 or 4 of that
character appear (through the keyboard buffer!)
making it impossible to type anything clearly.
You will have to reboot to fix this one, which is
no big deal since it takes effect immediately after
you run it. This one east about 0.6k of RAM.
GAG12.EXE -Makes it look like everything is fine, but when you
press a key, it doesn't register. You will still see
it appear on the screen, but dos and so forth don't
realize you are typing!! To disable it, press F10.
This one eats about 7k of RAM.
2.0 -Some of the gags (The TSR's) theoretically could lock up the
system due to their use of registers. This has been corrected.
-A new gag TSR!! (gag12)
2.1 -New gag TSR!! (gag11)
-Also, the version numbering system has changed
(it will increase by 0.1 for every change from now on).
This program is being distributed on the "shareware" concept. A fee is
not required, but if you can find it in your heart, I would appreciate a
donation/registration fee of $5.
Ed T. Toton III
7101 Talisman Lane
Columbia Md 21045
And WHY should you register it?
1. To support my continuing efforts to bring you some level of
functional programs. If I get no cash, you get no improvements
in these programs, and I won't be encouraged to make new and
2. To get that warm glow for knowing that you supported the author
of at least one of the many shareware programs you probably use.
3. To find out if there is a newer version. All you need to do is
ask! But letters with money take priority!
4. You could be sick and demented and thus register everything you
get your hands on.
5. To get source code! If you would like me to send you a disk of
the turbo-pascal and assembly source code, please include a
floppy with your registration fee. Please format it before
mailing it. I will then put the latest version of the source
code and the gags on it and send it back to you. I will keep
a list of registree's, thus if you want an update later on,
just send another disk and $2 for postage and so forth.
Note that updates to these programs do not occur constantly,
in fact it will be rather sparse. If you aren't sure that
there is a new version to get, then you may not want to send
me a disk to get the latest stuff until you are sure there's
been an update. It's up to you.
This program is provided "AS IS" and I make no gauruntees about it's
performance. I will not be and can not be held responsible for any damages
incurred during it's use, or from it's use. It's on a "use at your own risk"
basis. If you can't agree to these terms then don't use these programs. I
cannot be held accountable for anything, especially if it came from YOUR use
of the programs, it's all on YOUR shoulders. YOU use the programs, YOU take
the responsibility. Nothing at all should happen, the programs are harmless,
but I have to say it anyway.
This program set may be freely distributed (which is actually encouraged)
AS IS. No one may modify this program in ANY way. ESPECIALLY where names
and credit is given, and INCLUDING all the documentation and data files.
It may NOT be used for comercial or profit-turning ventures of any kind,
including sale by disk vendors, without the written consent by ME, with
ONE exception. Disk vendors MAY sell it without my written consent ONLY
if they charge no more than $4 higher then the cost of the disk, AND they
register it first. NOTHING may be added to it either. NO BBS ads are
allowed EXCEPT as zip comments, or as a single SEPERATE text file.
I have made several programs (not including the 7 or so games I made
in quick-basic a while back) that may be of interest to you. Here is
a list of some of them: (as of 2/20/92)
Blaze v2.6 : =VGA screen-saver. Supports password security,
and a customization system (config file). Has
been known to travel quickly through BBS's.
CompWar v2.6 : =Latest release of CompWar, the on-line game for
use with WWIV BBS systems.
Date-Matcher v1.2 : =On-line match-maker program for BBS's that support
DOS interrupt driven door programs.
T-Robots v2.0 : =(one of my masterpeices) T-Robots is a system in
which you program robots to fight one another. It
uses a simple programming language, and you create
the programs with your favorite text-editor. Great
for competitions! Supports VGA, EGA, CGA, MCGA,
Hercules, and many more graphics devices.
AT-Robots v1.0 : =Advanced T-robots. Extremely similar to T-Robots 2.0
except the system has been improved. It supports most
graphics adapters in existance (CGA, EGA, VGA, MCGA,
Hercules, etc). In this one you program the robots
using ATR assembly (Advanced T-Robots Assembly). Now
you design your own subroutines, and access specific
device ports and memory locations. The ultimate in
competions of logical thought.
StratSys v2.0 : =A 2-player VGA combat strategy game. VERY flexible.
Comes with 4 game scenarios (Cival War, Naval Battle,
Robot Conquest, and a medieval scenario). Expansion
packs are available (at the moment one with 12
scenarios). Comes with an editor for the images and
maps, so you can make your own scenarios!
Toton Utilities 1.0 =A set of 8 SMALL but potentially useful utilities.
Most are TSR's. Several of them make alternate
drive-lights out of other peripherals. You can make
a drive LED on your screen in the corner, or make
your scroll-lock act as a drive light. Included
is also a program to make clicking sounds as you
press keys, and a program to turn your num-lock
off during boot-up (for those of you that hate your
num-lock staying on after boot-up).
If you have any questions, concerns, suggestions, criticisms, donations,
remarks, praise or opinions, please write! I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!
(the address is listed above).
Ed T. Toton III