Category : A Collection of Games for DOS and Windows
Archive   : DAILYJOK.ZIP
Filename : DAILYJOK.TXT

956
Confucius Say: Better to close mouth and appear stupid than to open mouth and remove all doubt.
A FAULT RECOGNIZED IS HALF CORRECTED
On a clear disk you can seek forever...
The King is a fink!
A DIAMOND IS JUST A LUMP OF COAL THAT MADE GOOD UNDER PRESSURE
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
Anybody can be born right-handed. Only the best of us overcome it.
Since the left half of the brain controls the right half of the body, only us lefties are in our right minds.
A FATHER IS A BANKER PROVIDED BY NATURE
A FRIEND IN NEED IS A PEST INDEED
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET
A MAN'S HOUSE IS HIS HASSLE
A PESSIMIST COMPLAINS ABOUT THE NOISE WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
A BIRD IN HAND IS BETTER THEN ONE OVERHEAD
A SECOND CLASS EFFORT IS A FIRST CLASS MISTAKE
A HANGOVER...THE WRATH OF GRAPES
A SMALL GOOD DEED IS BETTER THEN THE GRANDEST INTENTION
A PENNY SAVED IS RIDICULOUS
A GREAT IDEA NEEDS LANDING GEAR, NOT JUST WINGS
A CAREER IS A JOB THAT TAKES ABOUT 20 MORE HOURS A WEEK
A SMILE IS A CURVE THAT CAN SET A LOT OF THINGS STRAIGHT
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE, USUALLY MORE IS SAID THEN DONE
AGE ISN'T IMPORTANT UNLESS YOU'RE A CHEESE
AGE IS A HIGH PRICE TO PAY FOR MATURITY
ALL THINGS EXCELLENT ARE AS DIFFICULT AS THEY ARE RARE
ALL PEOPLE SMILE IN THE SAME LANGUAGE
AN OPTIMIST LAUGHS TO FORGET..A PESSIMIST FORGETS TO LAUGH
AN EXPERT HAS A GREAT REASON FOR GUESSING WRONG
AN AUTHORITY KNOWS LOTS OF THINGS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT
ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG WILL
ASTRONAUTS ARE OUT TO LAUNCH
ATHEIST...A MAN WITH NO INVISIBLE MEANS OF SUPPORT
AVOID CRITICISM - SAY, DO AND BE NOTHING
BABIES ARE GOD'S OPINION THAT THE WORLD SHOULD GO ON
BAD LUCK IS BEING RUN OVER BY THE WELCOME WAGON
BE ALERT, AMERICA NEEDS MORE LERTS
BEER BELLIES = GREAT WAIST
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN - HERSELF
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN - A SURPRISED MOTHER-IN-LAW
BEWARE OF DARK ROOMS ... THEY MIGHT BE THE MORGUE
BLAME ST. ANDREAS - IT'S HIS FAULT
BREEDING RABBITS IS A HARE RAISING EXPERIENCE
BUILD SOMETHING FOOLPROOF AND EVERY FOOL WILL USE IT
CAN YOU REMEMBER WHEN THE AIR WAS CLEAN AND SEX WAS DIRTY?
CAN'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FEAR
CAREFUL PLANNING WILL NEVER REPLACE DUMB LUCK
CAREFUL!!...YOU MAY BE THE ONLY BIBLE SOME PEOPLE EVER READ
CARPENTERS ARE JUST PLANE FOLKS
CHICKEN - THE EGG'S WAY OF MAKING MORE EGGS
CLONES ARE PEOPLE TWO
CLUTTERED DESK = CLUTTERED MIND / EMPTY DESK = EMPTY ______?
COLE'S LAW - THINLY SLICED CABBAGE
COMMON SENSE IS INSTINCT, AND ENOUGH OF IT IS GENIUS
COMPASSION IS THE BASIS OF ALL MORALITY
CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL, BUT BAD FOR THE CAREER
COURAGE IS FEAR THAT SAID ITS PRAYERS
CULTIVATE HAPPINESS AND IT BECOMES A HABIT
CUTTING REMARKS DON'T CUT ANY ICE
DANGEROUS EXERCISE - JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
DIETS ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE THICK AND TIRED OF IT
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOUSE AND A HOME - A FAMILY
DIPLOMACY - THE ART OF LETTING SOMEONE HAVE YOUR WAY
DIPLOMACY IS THE ART OF GIVING OTHERS YOUR WAY
DO UNTO OTHERS AS THOUGH YOU WERE THE OTHER
DO IT TODAY, TOMORROW IT WILL BE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH OR ILLEGAL
DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY UNDO YOU
DO YOUR KNEES BUCKLE, BUT NOT YOUR BELT?
DO YOU ALWAYS HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE THUMB?
DOES YOUR BACK GO OUT MORE THAN YOU DO?
DOING NOTHING MAKES YOU TIRED 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T TAKE A BREAK
DON'T GET DISCOURAGED...NO ONE IS PERFICKT
DON'T BE MAD ABOUT GROWING OLD, SOME AREN'T THAT LUCKY
DON'T WASTE THE WHOLE DAY, LAUGH AT LEAST ONCE
DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS MOVIE
DON'T LET SCHOOL INTERFERE WITH YOUR EDUCATION
DRILLING FOR OIL IS BORING
DRIVE CAREFULLY, DEATH IS SO PERMANENT
EARLY TO BED - MAKES YOU HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND BORING
EAT YOGURT AND GET CULTURE
EVER JUST SEEM TO NOT BE ABLE TO GET AROUND TO PROCRASTINATING?
EVER THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THORN BUSHES HAVE ROSES?
EVER WISH YOU HAD A COPY OF TOMORROW'S NEWSPAPER?
EVER STOP TO THINK AND THEN FORGET TO START AGAIN?
EVERY MAN HAS A SCHEME THAT ABSOLUTELY WON'T WORK
EVERY MINUTE YOU ARE ANGRY WASTES 60 HAPPY SECONDS
EVERY TIME I LOSE WEIGHT, IT FINDS ME AGAIN
EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO MY OPINION
EVERYTHING GOES ON SALE ... RIGHT AFTER YOU BUY IT
EVERYTHING GOING GOOD? YOU MUST HAVE OVERLOOKED SOMETHING
EVERYTHING HURTS .. AND WHAT DOESN'T DON'T WORK
EVERYTHING COMING YOUR WAY? YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE!
EXPERIENCE SHOULD BE A GUIDE POST, BUT NOT A HITCHING POST
EXPERT - KNOWS TOMORROW WHY TODAY'S PREDICTION FAILED
EXPERT- An X is an unknown, a spurt is a drip under pressure, so an expert is some unknown drip under pressure.
EXPERT - ANYONE FROM OUT OF TOWN
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DRN!
FACT - RED LIGHTS ALWAYS LAST LONGER THEN GREEN ONES
FAILURE IS NEVER FATAL AND SUCCESS IS NEVER FINAL
FARMERS ARE JUST PLAIN FOLKS
FEEL GOOD? DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GET OVER IT
FELLOW WITH CLOSED MIND OFTEN HAS OPEN MOUTH
FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES BUT NEVER FORGET THEIR NAMES
FREEDOM IS DOING WHAT YOU LIKE, HAPPINESS LIKING WHAT YOU DO
FRICTION IS A DRAG
FRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT ENEMIES ACCUMULATE
FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE YOU CAN BE QUIET WITH
GET EVEN...WITH THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE HELPED YOU
GIVE A WOMAN AN INCH AND SHE'LL PARK A CAR IN IT
GOD GIVE US RELATIVES, BUT LET US CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS
GOOD HUMOR IS THE HEALTH OF THE SOUL, SADNESS THE POISON
GRASS IS NATURE'S WAY OF SAYING HIGH
GRAVITY BRINGS YOU DOWN
GREAT BEER BELLIES ARE MADE, NOT BORN
GREAT MINDS DISCUSS IDEAS; SMALL ONES, PEOPLE
HANDLE YOURSELF WITH YOUR HEAD, HANDLE OTHERS WITH YOUR HEART
HAPPINESS IS WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE
HAVE YOU TRIED ON YOUR SMILE TODAY?
HE WHO HESITATES IS LAST
HE WHO KNOWS ALL THE ANSWERS NEVER GETS ASKED THE QUESTIONS
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST IS PROBABLY YOUR BOSS
HE WHO TELLS YOU HOW GREAT HE IS USUALLY ISN'T
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST DIDN'T GET THE JOKE
HOME IS THE NICEST PLACE YOU WILL EVER GO
HOT DOGS ARE BEST WHEN SERVED WITH A BALLGAME
HOW CAN YOU AVOID HURTING SOMEONES FEELINGS WITHOUT BEING A LIAR?
HUMORISTS...THOSE WHO CAN TALK SENSIBLY ABOUT A CONTROVERSY
I WOULDN'T MIND BEING POOR IF I HAD LOTS OF MONEY
IDEALISM INCREASES IN PROPORTION TO THE DISTANCE FROM THE PROBLEM
IF RABBITS FEET ARE SO LUCKY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RABBIT?
IF YOU ITCH FOR IT, SCRATCH FOR IT
IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE NO FAULTS, THAT MAKES ONE
IF YOU WANT TO CHEER UP, CHEER UP SOMEONE
IF YOU LOVE LIFE, IT WILL LOVE YOU BACK
IF YOUR FEET SMELL AND YOUR NOSE RUNS, YOU WERE BUILT UPSIDE DOWN
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, YOU'LL GET LOTS OF ADVICE
IF YOU SEE AN ONION RING...ANSWER IT
IF YOU'VE GOT PART OF IT, FLAUNT THAT PART
IF NOBODY MEASURES UP, CHECK YOUR YARDSTICK
IF YOU AREN'T GOING ALL THE WAY, WHY GO AT ALL?
IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME
IN CASE OF FIRE....YELL "FIRE"
INTERCHANGEABLE PARTS ... DON'T
IT IS BETTER TO BE WISE THEN TO BE SMART
IT ISN'T THE WHISTLE THAT MOVES THE TRAIN
IT'S HARD TO BE HUMBLE WHEN YOU ARE SO PERFECT
IT'S EASIER TO DO GOOD THEN BE GOOD
IT'S EASY TO SUGGEST THE SOLUTION WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW THE PROBLEM
IT'S HARD TO FLY WITH EAGLES WHEN YOU WORK WITH TURKEYS
IT'S SWEET TO BE REMEMBERED, BUT CHEAPER TO BE FORGOTTEN
ITS HARD TO BE GRACEFUL GETTING OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE
JEALOUSY...ALL THE FUN YOU THINK THEY HAVE
JUDGE PEOPLE BY WHAT THEY ARE, NOT WHERE THEY ARE
KEEP YOUR WORDS SOFT AND SWEET, IN CASE YOU HAVE TO EAT THEM
KINDNESS IS LIKE A BOOMERANG - IT ALWAYS COMES BACK
KNOWLEDGE IS KNOWING THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
LAETRILE IS THE PITS
LAUGHTER LUBE'S LIFES ENGINE
LAUGHTER...THE NO SIDE EFFECT TRANQUILIZER
LAWYERS WORK IN THEIR BRIEFS
LEAKPROOF SEALS ... DO
LIFE IS A HORSE, EITHER YOU RIDE IT OR IT RIDES YOU
LIFE AND LIBERTY ARE SAFE ONLY WHEN CONGRESS IS IN RECESS
LIFE IS ONLY UNDERSTOOD BACKWARD, BUT MUST BE LIVED FORWARD
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL? LOOK OUT FOR THAT TRAIN
LOAFER - SOMEONE TRYING TO MAKE TWO WEEKENDS MEET
LOAN SOMEONE A SYMPATHETIC EAR
LOSE WEIGHT - EAT STUFF YOU HATE
LOSE WEIGHT - PUT A SCALE IN FRONT OF THE 'FRIG
MAD AT YOUR NEIGHBOR? BUY HIS KID A DRUM!
MAKE THE MOST OF THE BEST AND THE LEAST OF THE WORST
MAKE A LIVING, BUT MAKE ROOM FOR LIFE
MEN HAVE MANY FAULTS, WOMEN ONLY TWO, ALL THEY SAY & ALL THEY DO
MINDS ARE LIKE PARACHUTES..THEY ONLY WORK WHEN THEY'RE OPEN
MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL WEALTH
MONEY IS LIKE A PROMISE, EASIER MADE THEN KEPT
MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, BUT MAN NEEDS ROOTS
MOST PEOPLE RAISE THEIR VOICE RATHER THEN REINFORCING THEIR POINT
MUSICIANS ARE JUST PLAYIN' FOLKS
NEVER PUT OFF TO TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN AVOID ALTOGETHER
NEVER HIT A MAN WITH GLASSES...USE YOUR FIST
NEVER PLAY LEAPFROG WITH A UNICORN
NEVER LIE UNLESS YOU HAVE AN AWFULLY GOOD MEMORY
NEVER SLAP A CHILD IN THE FACE - THERE ARE PLENTY OF PLACES
NO ONE CAN GET AHEAD OF YOU WHEN THEY'RE KICKING YOU IN THE REAR
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
NOTHING IS SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY
NOTHING INCREASES YOUR GOLF SCORE LIKE WITNESSES
NOTHING MAKES A VACATION SEEM BETTER THEN HINDSIGHT
OLD FROGS NEVER DIE...BUT THEY DO CROAK
OLD IS NEEDING A FIRE PERMIT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY CAKE
OLD AGE NEEDS SO LITTLE, BUT IT NEEDS THAT LITTLE SO MUCH
OLD AGE = YOU + 20 YEARS
ONE LIE OR ONE PEANUT...ONE LEADS TO ANOTHER
ONLY A BALLPLAYER'S ERRORS ARE PUBLISHED EVERY DAY
ONLY ADULTS HAVE TROUBLE WITH CHILD-PROOF BOTTLES
ONLY FOOLS SAY IT CAN'T BE DONE
PART-TIME MUSICIANS ARE SEMICONDUCTORS
PEOPLE WITH NARROW MINDS USUALLY HAVE BROAD TONGUES
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN STONE HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW GLASSES
PEOPLE SHOULD BE MEASURED IN FEATS, NOT FEET
PILOTS ARE JUST PLANE FOLKS
PLASTIC PACKAGED FOODS ARE VERY UNCANNY
PLOW A STRAIGHT FURROW AND YOU'RE IN A RUT
POSTMEN NEVER DIE, THEY JUST LOSE THEIR ZIP
POWER DOES NOT CORRUPT FOOLS, BUT FOOLS CORRUPT POWER
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, BUT NO ONE'S PERFECT, SO WHY PRACTICE?
PRACTISS MAKES PERFICT
PRAY FOR WHAT YOU WANT BUT WORK FOR WHAT YOU NEED
PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE...VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
PROCRASTINATION - THE ART OF KEEPING UP WITH YESTERDAY
PRUNES GIVE YOU A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
PUT YOUR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE AND YOU'RE A BLOODY FOOL
RAISE DUCKS FOR A QUACK PROFIT
REAL JOY COMES FROM DOING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE
REDUCE YOUR I.O.U. TO I.R.S WITH AN I.R.A.
RESPECT MUST BE EARNED, NOT COMMANDED
ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES...AND YOU WON'T LOSE YOUR SHIRT
RUBBER BANDS HAVE SNAPPY ENDINGS
SAY NOTHING & THEY THINK YOUR STUPID..TALK & THEY KNOW FOR SURE
SECOND CHANCES AREN'T USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH FIRST IMPRESSIONS
SHORT CUT ... THE LONGEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS
SILENCE CANNOT BE MISQUOTED
SMILE .. THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE
SMILE..PEOPLE WILL WONDER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO
SOLITUDE..A GREAT PLACE TO VISIT, BUT A BAD PLACE TO STAY
SOME OF US QUIT LOOKING FOR WORK WHEN WE FIND A JOB
SOME PEOPLE ARE EDUCATED BEYOND THEIR INTELLIGENCE
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE ANYTHING IF YOU WHISPER IT
SOME PEOPLE AREN'T HARD OF HEARING, BUT HARD OF LISTENING
SOMETIMES LET THINGS HAPPEN BUT SOMETIMES MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
STALIN'S GRAVE WAS A COMMUNIST PLOT
STEPPING ON PEOPLE'S TOES MESSES UP THEIR SHINE
SUCCESS HAS A THOUSAND FATHERS, BUT FAILURE IS AN ORPHAN
SUCCESS IS NOT PERMANENT, NEITHER IS FAILURE
SURE FIRE DIET, SWALLOWING PRIDE
SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE, IT IS NON-FATTENING
TACT - CHANGING THE SUBJECT WITHOUT CHANGING THE MIND
TAILGATER - ONE WHO MAKES ENDS MEET
TAKE AN ASTRONAUT TO LAUNCH
TALK IS CHEAP UNLESS YOU HIRE A LAWYER
TAX FORMS SHOULD READ "INCOME OWED US" AND "IN COMMODE YOU"
TEACHERS HAVE CLASS
TEAMWORK IS VITAL..IT GIVES YOU SOMEONE TO BLAME
TELL A CHILD HE GOT 1 RIGHT, NOT 99 WRONG
THE LESS YOU HAVE TO DO, THE LESS TIME YOU FIND TO DO IT IN
THE LONGER YOU KEEP YOUR TEMPER THE BETTER IT WILL GET
THE MOST SOLID STONE IS THE LOWEST ONE IN THE FOUNDATION
THE ROOSTER MAY CROW, BUT THE HEN DELIVERS
THE GREATEST ABILITY IS DEPENDABILITY
THE HARDER YOU WORK THE LUCKIER YOU GET
THE WORLD'S FULL OF CACTUS, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT ON IT
THE GREATEST MAN IN HISTORY WAS THE POOREST
THE GREATEST PLEASURE - DOING WHAT THEY SAID COULDN'T BE DONE
THE LEAST EXPERIENCED FISHERMAN ALWAYS CATCHES THE BIGGEST FISH
THE BEST VACATIONS ARE SPENT NEAR THE BUDGET
THE MORE YOU SAY, THE LESS PEOPLE REMEMBER
THE ONLY SHORT MEETINGS ARE WHEN NO ONE SHOWS UP
THE BEST TIME TO BUY ANYTHING IS LAST YEAR
THE COST OF FEATHERS IS HIGHER, THAT MAKES DOWN UP
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IDEAS AND RESULTS IS A GOOD MANAGER
THERE'S NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL, 'CAUSE HE'S EXPERIENCED
THERES NEVER TIME TO DO IT RIGHT, ONLY TIME TO DO IT OVER
THINGS WORK BETTER IF YOU PLUG THEM IN
THINKING IS WISE, PLANNING IS BETTER, DOING IS BEST
THOSE WHO DO THE MOST USUALLY DEMAND THE LEAST
THREE CAN KEEP A SECRET, IF TWO OF THEM ARE DEAD
TO GET A LOAN YOU MUST PROVE YOU DON'T NEED IT
TO ERROR IS HUMAN, TO BLAME IT ON SOMEONE ELSE IS MORE HUMAN
TO REGRET NOTHING IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM
TO EVERY EXCEPTION THERE IS A RULE
TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS UNUSUAL
TO DO NOTHING IS IN EVERY MAN'S POWER
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING CAN BE WONDERFUL
TOO BUZY TO LAUGH? THEN YOU ARE TOO BUZY
UNWRITTEN LAWS CAN NOT BE ERASED
WANNA DO SOMETHING BIG? PICK UP A BOULDER
WANT TO FORGET ALL YOUR TROUBLES? WEAR TIGHT SHOES
WE LEARN FROM HISTORY THAT WE DON'T LEARN FROM HISTORY
WELL DONE IS BETTER THEN WELL SAID
WHAT YOU SEE CAN DEPEND ON WHAT YOU LOOK FOR
WHAT YOU ENJOY IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THEN WHAT YOU HAVE
WHAT I OUGHT TO DO, I CAN; IF I CAN, WHY DON'T I?
WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU HAVE, IS WHAT MAKES YOU RICH
WHEN PEOPLE SHARE THEIR FEARS WITH YOU, SHARE YOUR COURAGE BACK
WHEN PEOPLE SHARE THEIR FEARS WITH YOU, SHARE SOME COURAGE
WHEN IN DOUBT, MUMBLE
WHEN YOU KILL TIME YOU MURDER SUCCESS
WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE MORE WILL BE SAID THEN DONE
WHEN MONEY TALKS THERE ARE FEW INTERRUPTIONS
WHEN IT COMES TO GIVING, SOME PEOPLE STOP AT NOTHING
WHEN FAITH & HOPE FAIL TRY CHARITY - IT'S LOVE IN ACTION
WHEN TALKING NONSENSE TRY NOT TO BE SERIOUS
WHEN YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT YOU DON'T WANT IT AS MUCH
WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S INHERITANCE TAX
WHERE IN THE WORLD DOES THE GUY WHO HAS EVERYTHING PUT IT?
WHOEVER ROWS THE BOAT DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO ROCK IT
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK?
WHY DOES BREAD ALWAYS FALL BUTTER SIDE DOWN?
WHY DOES THE OTHER LANE ALWAYS MOVE FASTER?
WHY ARE TODAY'S ROUGH TIMES ALWAYS TOMORROW'S GOOD OLD DAYS?
WHY DOES THE OTHER LINE ALWAYS MOVE FASTER?
WHY ARE CREDITOR'S MEMORIES BETTER THEN DEBTORS?
WHY DO EXPENSES ALWAYS RISE TO MEET INCOME?
WIN WITHOUT BOASTING AND LOSE WITHOUT EXCUSE
WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN
WISDOM..KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW
WISE MEN CHANGE THEIR MINDS, FOOLS NEVER
WRINKLES ARE SURE SIGNS OF WHERE SMILES HAVE BEEN
XEROX...ALL THEY EVER DO IS COPY
YOU WILL NEVER BE YOUNGER THEN YOU ARE TODAY...& VISE VERSA
YOU NEVER "FIND" TIME, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS "MAKE" IT
YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND WHAT YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR
YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, AND IF HE WALKS ON IT PATENT HIM
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, SO EUELLE GIBBONS WAS A NUT
YOU'LL NEVER GET DIZZY DOING A GOOD TURN
YOU'RE OLD WHEN YOU FORGET HOW TO START YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
YOUTH ISN'T A TIME OF LIFE BUT A STATE OF MIND
(Does this look like a fraction to you?) OS/2: Where's the other half?! T. Peters.
Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
OS/2: JUST SAY NO!
New from Microsoft: OS/2: The brain-damaged o/s for the brain-damaged chip!
"I'm wearing my wedding ring", said Tom with abandon.
"The number of people not attending class today really bothers me", said the professor absent-mindedly.
"I won't give it a second thought", said Tom absent-mindedly.
"Are modern paintings worth stealing?" asked Tom abstractly.
"Let's all play an A, a C#, and an E", cried the band with one accord.
"I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend", said Tom acerbically.
"I find my job painful -- every inch of it", said Lear achingly.
"This salad dressing has too much vinegar", said Tom acidly.
"I've got another @#$%*! insect in my pants", said Tom adamantly.
"There's room for one more", Tom admitted.
"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks", Tom advanced.
"Those hookers are putting notices in the personals", Tom advised.
"The jelly is 50% set", Tom affirmed.
"Fire!" yelled Tom alarmingly.
"It's a unit of electric current", said Tom amply.
"We had trouble with the propulsion systems for those moon flights", said the NASA engineer apologetically.
"I'm of greater value to you every day", said Tom appreciatively.
"I'll take that", said Tom appropriately.
"2 bdrm furn w 5 appl", said Tom aptly.
"It's between my sole and my heel", said Tom archly.
"It's an actual parameter, not a formal parameter", was Tom's argument.
"You have the right to remain silent", said Tom arrestingly.
"That painting sure tasted good", said the goat artfully.
"One of the ten finalists in the 'London derriere' contest had to drop out", said Tom asininely.
"It's not a candy mint, it's a breath mint", Tom asserted.
"I don't want to rewrite this in prose", said Tom aversely.
"What do ants and bees use for cattle?" asked Tom avidly.
"That city will NEVER be rebuilt", the prophets babble on.
"I'll get you out of prison in no time", said Tom balefully.
"!" said Tom while banging his head.
"Boy, will I give YOU a haircut!" said Tom barbarously.
"Dorothy, if you're going to Oz again, I'm going with you", Em barked.
"This is the most common language used on micros", said Tom basically.
"The fire's going out!" Tom bellowed.
"These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8", said Tom bitingly.
"Well, I got here with five minutes to spare", said Tom bitterly.
" ", said Tom blankly.
"I need a pencil sharpener", said Tom bluntly.
"I think I'll use a different font", said Tom boldly.
"My fellow Americans", boomed Ronald Reagan, "I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever..."
"I still haven't struck oil", said Tom boringly.
"This is mutiny!" said Tom bountifully.
"My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him", Tom bragged.
"I ain't afraid of those white men", said Cochise bravely.
"Now no-one can detect my halitosis", said Tom breathlessly.
"There's a blood-sucking insect in my French cheese", said Tom briefly.
"Eating uranium can cause strange effects", said Tom brightly.
"Take tea and see", said Tom briskly.
"Use your own hair brush", Tom bristled.
"That young insect is male", said Tom buoyantly.
"We don't have room for any more peripherals", said Tom bus-ily.
"My wife is cheating on me", Tom cackled.
"So this is your new computer!" said Tom calculatingly.
"Rowing so much hurts my hands", said Tom callously.
"No, I haven't read Voltaire", said Tom candidly.
"I've grown fat on the contents of charity packages", said Tom carefully.
"One can't dispute the fundamental importance of learning the alphabet", Abie ceded.
"I don't need the mantissa of the logarithm", said Tom characteristically.
"I'm having an affair with my gamekeeper", said the lady chattily.
"It's twelve noon", Tom chimed in.
"That gives me a birdie for this hole", Tom chipped in.
"In my next film I play the part of Sir Edmund Hillary", said Tom climactically.
"Pretend we were in the days before railways", Tom coached.
"I'm a Soviet military official", Tom commiserated.
"MY frozen orange juice requires you to add SIX cans of water", said Tom with great concentration.
"The prisoner escaped by climbing down a rope", said Tom condescendingly.
"I organized that big party for the prisoners", Tom confessed.
"We're currently thinking about a figure somewhere between 7 and 9", said Tom considerately.
"I favour self-restraint everywhere in North America", said Tom continently.
"I have writer's block", said Tom contritely.
"I find you guilty!" said the judge with conviction.
"We've taken over the government", the general cooed.
"I hate shellfish", said Tom crabbedly.
"Give me some cheese and I'll tell you", said Tom craftily.
"How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?" asked Tom crankily.
"I dropped the toothpaste", said Tom, crestfallen.
"I'm dying", Tom croaked.
"@#$%*! I've struck oil", said Tom crudely.
"Now THAT's sloppy embroidery", Tom needled cruelly.
"I hate pies with crumb bases", said Tom crustily.
"Destroy this Temple and within three days I will raise it up", said Jesus cryptically.
"This is as vile as the Threepenny Opera", said Tom curtly.
"The eclipse is starting", said Tom darkly.
"I killed the Greek piper god", Tom deadpanned.
"Well, that tree definitely isn't a conifer", Tom decided.
"X is an integer", Tom declared.
"I've already given you the nominative, vocative, accusative, genitive, dative, and ablative, so I will say no more", Tom declined.
"Henceforth, the state will have no official beliefs", the king decreed.
"It's time to play my wild card", Tom deduced.
"I refuse to obey that French 'No Smoking' sign", fumed Tom defensively.
"Okay, you can have the gloves without lining", Tom deferred.
"You are going to fail my class", said the teacher degradingly.
"Welcome to the Annual Meatcutter's Convention!" delivered Tom.
"The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show", said Tom deludedly.
"This is how to put an imp in a restraining jacket", Tom demonstrated.
"Wouldn't just gold and frankincense do?" the Magi demurred.
"I CAN'T be drowning in African waters!" pleaded Tom, deep in denial.
"I have to insert this wooden spatula in your mouth", said Tom depressingly.
"No pilaf for me, please", said Tom derisively. (Or: "Get off my lap", said Gary Hart derisively.)
"This is how he murdered the mystery writer", Tom described.
"It's best to find a new word for this", Tom determined.
"My word is final!" Tom dictated to his secretary.
"Of course you graduated", said Tom diplomatically.
"I was removed from office", said Tom disappointedly.
"All I want is 20,000 machine guns", said the dictator disarmingly.
"This slipped object is hard to find", the surgeon disclosed.)
"I'll not have you punk rockers making music in MY auditorium", said Tom disconcertingly.
"I'm a frayed knot", Tom said discordantly.
"Boy, that sure took the wind out of my sails!" said Tom disgustedly.
"I have to wear this cast for another six weeks", said Tom disjointedly.
"Out, out, damned spot!" said Lady Macbeth distainfully. "Look what you did to the rug, you naughty dog!"
"I need a Latin Bible suitable for reading under water", Tom divulged.
"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch!" said Tom doggedly.
"I don't HAVE to house-train my poodle", said Tom dogmatically.
"I'm on welfare", said Tom dolefully.
"I won't believe that you're the resurrected Jesus until I've felt the nail-holes in your wrists", said Tom doubtingly.
"I never go into saloons", said Tom drily. "I've seen too many of my friends enter them optimistically and leave them mistyoptically."
"I wonder what syllables I should sing these sixteenth notes to", said Ward Swingle dubiously.
"Why would anyone want to start an Institute for the Mute?" asked Tom dumbfoundedly.
"I'll pay off that customs official", said Tom dutifully.
"I am NOT a homosexual necrophiliac", said Tom in dead earnest.
"Why use SI units? The old c.g.s. units are my friends", said Tom dynamically.
"Now I can do some painting", said Tom easily.
"I've declared the variable X so that its value is saved from one procedure invocation to the next", said Tom ecstatically.
"Edward, you're my best friend in these parts, I gar-ron-tee!" said Tom ed-u-cajun-ally.
"This computer display is shocking", said Tom electrically.
"|\/|", said Tom emphatically.
"Let's get married", said Tom engagingly.
"I just hung my sheets on the clothesline", said Tom erringly.
"I'm going after that red fish", said Tom erringly.
"Eureka!" said Archimedes to the skunk.
"I wouldn't marry you even if you were the only woman on earth!" said Tom evenly.
"I used to be a pilot", Tom explained.
"You must give me my alimony", expressed Tom's former wife, after which Tom almost expounded.
"These genes are dominant", said Tom expressively.
"I used to work for Kelly Services", Tom extemporized.
"That's a lie!" Tom said in falsetto.
"Please keep Ian on salary even if he does no work; banish not sweet Ian, kind Ian, true Ian, valiant Ian from thy company", was Tom's Falstaffian plea.
"The transit system could reduce its deficit by steeply charging those passengers on their way to rock concerts and sports events", said Tom with considerable fanfare.
"I'm 'drawing' the butter", Tom clarified fatuously.
"I could always draw it on paper", Tom figured.
"I plan to work for Digital", said Tom, giving me the finger.
"This must be Nebraska", Tom stated flatly.
"Here's an epenthetic stamp", said Tom f'lat'ly.
"I love trying to make insects fly", said Tom flippantly.
"You're losing your grippe!" said Tom fluently.
"I'm no good at golf. I know I'm going to hit another bad shot", Tom forewarned.
"Now all I have to do for this banknote is engrave the portrait", Tom forged ahead.
"I will NOT finish in fifth place", Tom held forth.
"I do NOT have a multiple personality disorder", said Tom, trying to be frank.
"Oh, this house tastes good!" said Hansel and Gretel, gingerly.
"Someone bumped into me while I was brushing my teeth", said Tom with a gleam in his eye.
"PLEASE don't let me fall apart", pleaded Tom gloomily.
"Eating uranium makes me feel funny", said Tom glowingly.
"For the meal we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful", said Tom gracefully.
"Oh my goodness!" said Tom graciously.
"I don't have to stand upright", said Tom grandly.
"My dime rolled into the sewer", cried Tom gratefully.
"Where's the cheese?" asked Tom gratingly.
"May he rest in peace", intoned Tom gravely.
"I collect fairy tales", said Tom grimly.
"Bad marksmanship", the hunter groused.
"I must be on a visit", Tom guessed.
"I don't have a boyfriend", said Mary guilelessly.
"It's just gold leaf", said Tom guiltily.
"That may cause my violin strings to snap", was Tom's gut reaction.
"Argh, I've just been stabbed!" said Tom half-heartedly.
"Mr. Rockefeller did not bring his wife", said Tom haplessly.
"Oh, stop talking about the Dreyfus case. Don't you like the colour of my eyes?" asked Esther hazily.
"I've gained thirty pounds", said Tom heavily.
"It's my maid's night off", said Tom helplessly.
"May I leave the room?" asked the schoolboy, high-handedly.
"I climbed Mount Everest", said Tom hilariously.
"I'm no communist", Alger hissed.
"Nay!" said Tom hoarsely.
"Troops, I guess there won't be a Christmas show this year", said Tom hopelessly.
"It's Jack the Ripper!" said Tom horrendously.
"Have a ride in my new ambulance", said Tom hospitably.
"The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm", said Tom humorlessly.
"I cut off the bottoms of my trousers so they wouldn't drag in the mud", said Tom hygienically.
"We need a 10-gauge needle", Tom hypothesized.
"Shall I frost the cake?" Tom offered icily.
"Pass the cards", said Tom ideally.
"Alas, I am sick with love for the fair Igraine!" said Uther Pendragon illustriously (and achingly).
"I can split demons in two", Tom imparted.
"This chicken has no beak", said Tom impeccably.
"Gremlins must have done it!" Tom implied.
"I'm taking over this hotel", said Tom inappropriately.
"Things are always happening to me", said Tom incidentally.
"I come to this hotel year after year for the science fiction convention", said Tom inconsequentially.
"I'm not sure how I feel about that particular matrix operation", said Tom indeterminately.
"Use phenolphthalein", Tom indicated.
"There's safety in unexciting gentlemen", said Mary indulgently.
"I hope you're not afraid of needles", Tom injected.
"May I join your group and sing, too?" Tom inquired.
"I'm not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting", Michelangelo insisted.
"Let's have a crimson display -- and turn up the brightness", said Tom with passionate intensity.
"As soon as the rain stops, we'll break camp", said Tom intently.
"Your drip-dries are crumpled", said the laundress ironically.
"My Chinese necklace has been stolen", said Mary jadedly.
"Let's eat kosher tonight", said Tom judiciously.
"Why do they burn aromatic substances at these tournaments?" asked Tom, justly incensed.
"I want to hear my baby bleat", Mary kidded.
"I've run out of wool", said Tom, knitting his brow.
"I've forgotten that song Dr. Chandra taught me", said HAL lackadaisically.
"She even flies her own jet", Tom leered.
"It's a German song", Tom lied.
"This bud's for you", said Tom lightly.
"I think it's time I had a perm", said Tom liltingly.
"Please save the branches of our trees", said Tom limply.
"I like writing artificially intelligent programs", Tom lisped.
"I want to be carried in a covered couch", said Tom literally.
"I chop down trees for a living", said Tom lumberingly.
"Add up this list of n numbers and then divide the sum by n", said Tom meanly.
"I've got to fix the car", said Tom mechanically.
"My dog will only eat cantaloupes", was Tom's melancholy complaint.
"A thousand thanks, Monsieur", said Tom mercifully.
"You and Patricia deserve each other", said Tom meretriciously.
"I'll cut you to ribbons!" said Tom mincingly.
"Have you anything by Hugo?" asked Les miserably.
"She's already married", said Tom mistakenly.
"I'm tired of smiling", moaned Lisa.
"This ain't real turtle soup!" said Tom mockingly.
"$400. Do I hear $500?" asked the auctioneer morbidly.
"Dawn came too soon", Tom mourned.
"I've got a new game", mumbled Peg.
"My glands are swollen", said Tom mumpishly.
"Maybe it's in the stables", Tom mused.
"That dog's a mongrel", Tom muttered.
"Ouch! I pinched my cheek trying to put on this earring", said Mary mysteriously.
"Why are you lying down so close to me?" asked Adam naively.
"Zero!" said Tom naughtily.
"The monster in the lake has eaten my cake", said Tom necessarily.
"I newt!" said the salamander.
"You may take a vacation in the south of France", said Tom nicely.
"Flames to /dev/null, please", directed Tom nihilistically.
"That just doesn't add up", said Tom, nonplussed.
"I don't see Edward", Tom noted.
"The performance was equal to the music", said Tom noteworthily.
"That horse looks like a good bet at 75 to 3", said Tom oddly.
"Watch out for that buzz-saw!" said Tom offhandedly.
"The door's ajar", said Tom openly.
"That bull has real stage presence", said Tom oratorically.
"I lost the debate because I ran out of things to say", said Tom outspokenly.
"I killed and cremated the Greek piper god", said Tom with panache.
"I'm such a good marksman that you can throw away your hairbrush", was Tom's parting shot.
"I've got all the work I can handle", said the doctor patiently.
"I didn't look at all!" Tom peeped.
"Now where did I put that magazine?" Tom asked periodically.
"I wonder what's causing this rasp in my voice", said Tom phlegmatically.
"I brought the dessert", said Tom piously.
"|" Tom piped.
"I've just been lulled by the sound of the world's greatest tenor", said Tom placidly.
"Sailing on this lake is easy", said Tom plainly.
"It's a gift from an Oriental friend", said Tom pleasantly.
"I practised three hours on my guitar", said Tom pluckily.
"Nevermore will I read 'The Raven'", said Tom poetically.
"Argh, I've just been stabbed with an ice pick", said Tom pointedly.
"The exit is right there", Tom pointed out.
"My pencil is dull", said Tom pointlessly.
"To be a model or not to be", was the question Mary posed.
"I haven't had any tooth decay YET", said Tom precariously.
"Oh dear, I forgot to take my pill", said Mary pregnantly.
"There's no need to perfume this after purchase", said Tom during his presentation.
"That's all been taken care of", Tom pretended.
"I teach at a university", Tom professed.
"This is the fastest way to get drunk", said Tom quixotically.
"A dog bit me", said Tom rabidly.
"Eating uranium makes me feel funny", said Tom radiantly.
"We publish one of the few dictionaries that define 'Tom Swifty'", said Tom at random.
"This river is rough", said Tom rapidly.
"I can't stand strawberries", said Tom rashly.
"File a little more off that corner", said Tom raspingly.
"It's the quotient of two integers", said Tom rationally.
"You snake!" Tom rattled.
"I picked more berries than you did", Tom razzed.
"This value has to be converted to floating point", Tom realized.
"Why do I have to strip naked AGAIN?" asked Tom rebuffingly.
"I've thought of another exception", Tom rebutted. (Or: "Stop trying to get my goat", Tom rebutted.)
"Let's go for another gallop", Tom recanted.
"There it is again!" Tom recited.
"I haven't had an accident in ten years", said Tom recklessly.
Tom said recursively, "Tom said recursively, 'Tom said recursively, ...'"
"Nice mirror!" said Tom reflectively.
"I will NOT splurge on a circuit-breaker", Tom refused.
"Okay, you can borrow it again", Tom relented.
"I love hot dogs", said Tom with relish.
"That is remarkable", remarked Tom.
"This student appealed his grade, so I have to score his exam again", Tom remarked.
"I'm in the process of documenting my BASIC program", Tom remarked.
"I'm investing in German currency once again", Tom remarked.
"I'm rereading the second Gospel", Tom remarked.
"I've gone back to using my maiden name", said Mary remissly.
"I'd better repeat that SOS signal -- no-one seems to have heard us", said Tom remorsefully.
"I'll try selling them at the next house", Tom replied.
"I'm taking this ship back in to the dock", Tom reported.
"We're all out of Amontillado", Tom reported.
"I think I'll stand on the left side of the ship", Tom reported.
"Now we'll have to replace all the ship's windows", Tom reported.
"Must I show again why this theorem is true?" asked Tom reprovingly.
"How long will I have to wait for a table?" asked Tom without reservation.
"My experiment was a success", the chemist retorted.
"I'll have another piece of meat", Tom revealed.
"These Paris streets sure have funny names", said Tom ruefully.
"I guess she fell off the motorcycle", said Tom ruthlessly.
"I ordered chocolate, not vanilla", I screamed.
"Boy, that's a bright star", said Tom seriously.
"I just bought a wool sweater", said Tom sheepishly.
"No, you can't have any of my oysters", said Tom shellfishly.
"How do you like my petticoat?" asked Mary shiftlessly.
"I think I'll end it all", Sue sighed.
"Since the leftmost bit of a normalized mantissa is always 1, let's just omit it", said Tom significantly.
"This brush isn't helping my hair one bit", Tom snarled.
"Angel dust? Me? Never touch it!" Tom snorted.
"My bicycle wheel is melting", Tom spoke softly.
"South Korea has a lovely capital city", said Tom soulfully.
"Hah! I got that ten pin down!" said Tom sparingly.
"The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready", Tom speculated.
"Hey, you're standing on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly.
"Well, monaural and quadriphonic systems are the exception", said Tom stereotypically.
"This is an imitation diamond", said Tom stonily.
"One lump or two?" asked Mary sweetly.
"Yes, I've read _Gulliver's Travels_", replied Tom swiftly.
"I love percussion instruments", said Tom symbolically.
"I don't HAVE to do this for a living", said Mary tartly. "It's a business to do pleasure with you."
"I work at a bank", said Tom tellingly.
"Sometimes I prefer 'just intonation'; sometimes I prefer Pythagorean tuning", said Tom temperamentally.
"I flunked this lousy exam", said Tom testily.
"Look at that monster's sandals!" said Tom in a thing-thong voice.
"I have no idea", said Tom thoughtlessly.
"I only get Newsweek", said Tom timelessly.
"How do you like this negligee?" asked Mary transparently.
"I was adopted", said Tom transparently.
"No, it didn't go up my sleeve", said Tom underhandedly.
"Oops, I've ripped my pants!" was Tom's unseemly comment.
"The roof is about to collapse", Tom upheld.
"The lion has its head caught in the skylight", said Tom uproariously.
"I will find out how many electrons that atom is sharing", said Tom valiantly.
"I invested in a high-tech startup", Tom ventured.
"I'm clenching my jaw because our local clergyman has a toothache", said Tom vicariously.
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her", said Agatha Christie virtuosically.
"It's Moby Dick!" Tom wailed.
"I'm very popular with women", said Don wanly.
"Give me some Chinese food", said Tom wantonly.
"Who? What?" asked Tom warily.
"Aren't five cups of tea too many from one bag?" asked Tom weakly.
"I go to visit my mother-in-law every Sunday", said Tom weakly.
"Dorian Gray's by Oscar", said Tom wildly.
"I designate you my chief heir", said Tom willingly.
"... and lose a few", said Tom winsomely.
"Algol standards aren't the same without Niklaus on the committee", said Tom wirthlessly.
"All my knowledge cannot ease my arthritis", said the wiseacre.
"I wish you wouldn't crucify him, but I'm washing my hands of the matter", said Pontius Pilate wishy-washily.
"I wish I could remember the name of that card game", said Tom wistfully.
"Gin rummy with Brandy's scotched, Bud", whined Sherry wryly.
"What do you think of the Tibetan ox?" yackety-yakked Tom.
"Well, don't bring it hither!" Tom yawned.
"When I swore, my mother made me eat soap", said Tom zestfully.
"Your fly is undone", was Tom's zippy rejoinder.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
He who hesitates is last.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
A man's house is his hassle.
Chaste makes waste.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran. A masochist is anybody who does anything in COBOL...
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Programmers get overlaid.
Jesus Saves Johnson scores on the rebound.
In case of injury notify your superior immediately - He'll kiss it and make it better!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Friction is a drag.
Heisenburg may have slept here.
What fools these morals be!
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Love America - or give it back.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Biology grows on you.
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Go climb a gravity well.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one loop.......... And at least one bug!
That does not compute.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Jesus Saves... Vishnu invests.
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over in the corner.
Burroughs programmers have to pay a Poll tax.
If it works, Don't fix it.
Alex Haley was adopted!
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Gravity brings me down.
When you're up to your hips in alligators, You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
Lake Erie died for your sins.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian?
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
It is hard to soar with the eagles When you work with the turkeys.
Nuke the Whales!
Basic is a high level languish.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
This cookie is void where prohibited, licensed, or taxed.
More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
Found on a door in the MSU music building: This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Constants aren't; variables don't.
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise: "Where no man has gone before"
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
This cookie will soon appear as a Bantam paperback.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Happiness is a hard disk.
Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.)
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
Please disregard the previous fortune cookie.
If God had been in favor of homosexuality, He never would have created Anita Bryant!
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
I'm all for computer dating, But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Eschew Obfuscation!
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Do it today, Tomorrow it will be illegal.
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Old frogs never die, But they do croak!
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Every time I lose weight, It finds me again!
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Clones are people two.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Laetrile is the pits.
Got Mole problem? Call Avogadro at 6.02 X 10^23
Neil Armstrong tripped.
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Confucious say too damn much!
Reality does not exist - yet.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
Satyrs have more faun.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
Astronauts get missile-toe.
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
If it works, Don't fix it.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all thumbs.
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.
The devil finds work for idle glands.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages will be known, far and wide, as a smart-ass.
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
Topologists are just plane folks, Pilots are just plane folks, Carpenters are just plane folks, Midwest farmers are just plain folks, Musicians are just playin' folks, Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks, Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.
Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
Poverty is the root of all evil.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
"The answer is 42."
"RELAX! It's only ONES and ZEROS!"
"Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand."
"DISK FULL?"
"Dave, I have a projected failure on the alpha-echo three five unit within 72 hours..."
"THE DOCTOR IS ON..."
"I WANT IT FREE AND I WANT IT YESTERDAY."
"Anyone care for a jellybaby?"
Travel by TARDIS: It's not necessarily faster, but it is definitely more interesting!
DEFINITION: COBOL- Confused Oriental Bean-cOunting Language.
DEFINITION: FORTRAN- Formless Translations.
DEFINITION: BASIC- Beginner's All-purpose Sloppy Instruction Code.
DEFINITION: Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
DEFINITION: Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output.
DEFINITION: Core Storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples.
DEFINITION: Disassembler - An unattended five year old child.
DEFINITION: External Storage - A wastebasket.
DEFINITION: Fixed Word Length - Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of confusion.
Floating Control - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the restroom but cannot leave the computer.
Flow Chart - A graphic representation of the fastest route to the restroom.
DEFINITION: Input - Food, whiskey, beer, aspirin, etc.
DEFINITION: Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro".
DEFINITION: Address - Type of attire worn by some female programmers.
DEFINITION: Algol - The husband of Polygol, their missing daughter is Polygon.
DEFINITION: Altair - A place where computers are sacrificed.
DEFINITION: Array - A blast from a CRT.
DEFINITION: Backup - Opposite of forward.
DEFINITION: Branch - A stick used for beating.
DEFINITION: Buffer - A programmer who works in the nude.
DEFINITION: Coding - An addictive drug.
DEFINITION: Computer- A device designed to speed and automate errors.
DEFINITION: Cp/m - Program listing for 'Look in the evening section'.
DEFINITION: Cpu - C3po's mother.
DEFINITION: Dip - Inventor of a famous switch.
DEFINITION: Disk Drive - A motor for a frisbee.
DEFINITION: Duplex - Having two apartments.
DEFINITION: Forth - One of the top five computer languages.
DEFINITION: GiGo - Garbage in garbage out.
DEFINITION: Ibm - Computer company: "Itty-Bitty Machines" Corporation.
DEFINITION: IBM - Corporate motto: "I've been moved."
DEFINITION: IC - Understanding as in 'Oh, IC'.
DEFINITION: Initialize - Carving your initials on a floppy disk.
DEFINITION: Iterate- A healthy illiterate.
DEFINITION: Joystick- A peripheral intended for use only by consenting adults.
DEFINITION: Keyboard- Resembling a typewriter, a keyboard is used for entering errors into the computer.
DEFINITION: Kilo - What you could have spent your money on if you hadn't bought the computer.
DEFINITION: Language- A system of organizing and defining syntax errors.
DEFINITION: Math Chip- A piece of a broken abacus.
DEFINITION: Megabyte- A nine course dinner.
DEFINITION: Memory Map - A sheet of paper showing location of computer store.
DEFINITION: Mhz- Acronym for 'Megahurtz', meaning 'a million pains'.
DEFINITION: Microfiche - Sardines.
DEFINITION: Nanosecond - Mork's stunt man.
DEFINITION: Newdos - Acronym for 'Not Exactly What The Dealer Offers To sell you.
DEFINITION: Password- The nonsense word taped to the CRT.